A Happier Place
by LAPoch
Summary: Spoilers from season nine, The Happy Place through One to Go. COMPLETE! In chapter 15 Grissom and Sara reunite in Costa Rica. GSR!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the characters, the dialogue from "The Happy Place" (which was anything BUT!), nor anything else to do with CSI. I certainly don't profit by it; no, lately I just get disappointed by it, it would seem.

A/N: Just a little peak forward from the last episode, to try to find a silver lining for Grissom and Sara...

Part I

"She promised me everything, and then she took it all away."

The young man was wracked by sobs as he spoke the last sentence. A confused teenager, trying to find love and stability in an inherently destructive situation, was now in the aftermath of his complete undoing. Gil Grissom was catatonic; his gaze drifted down unfocused, unable to maintain eye contact. While his life never took a turn anything like this young suspect's had; somehow those words were hauntingly accurate.

_She promised me everything, and then she took it all away._

Trying desperately to simply acquire necessary information and move on; he was paralyzed. Unable to think on the situation at hand; unable to separate his current plight from that of the criminal before him; and completely unable to provide any usable insight to relieve either of their suffering; he rose up and wordlessly exited the room. The detective observing the interview opened his mouth to question his departure, but upon seeing his devastated facial expression, wisely chose not to speak.

Gil Grissom was in very unfamiliar territory; emotional turmoil interfering with his ability to function. He managed to find an empty hallway, collapsing against the wall and sinking down onto a bench. First his mind refused to stay on track, and now even his body defied him.

_She promised me everything, and then she took it all away._

He had risked everything for those promises she made. His career, sure, but there was lots more. He always listed his fear of career suicide as reason one-A as to why he couldn't make the leap with her. Truth be told, he listed it as one-B, C, and D of his list of reasons to avoid getting involved with Sara Sidle. But, the real reason one-A was his fear of rejection. He would be too old for her; she was too beautiful and had too much life ahead of her; she would ultimately need to move on. That would be a pain he feared he couldn't endure.

It was a pain he protected himself from being exposed to for years by keeping her at arms length. When he couldn't repress his desire for her any longer, he sought her reassurances, and they poured down on him. She professed her love and loyalty as she discretely safeguarded his career at her expense.

Their relationship had its share of bumps along the way, no doubt. The combined emotional and social skills of the couple were challenged at best, and they frequently battled each other's limited ability to effectively communicate. As Sara would over talk, Grissom would stare in utter confusion; Sara would become self conscious and lose all conviction, thus ceasing her overture before he could understand what in the world she was trying to convey. Grissom on the other hand, was unable most of the time to utter any words at all to convey his most basic feelings for Sara, let alone anything complex, although his feelings ran deep as an ocean, she was left to infer most of it. Despite those challenges, over the years they meshed their lives together in a private, committed relationship far more significant than either had ever experienced.

One area in which the relationship was very successful; gently eroding Grissom's strength for existing alone. His ability to enjoy solitude, to age peacefully without anyone by his side, to be happy in his own life, was forever gone.

_I became too old for her…I stopped being a risk for her…_

The suspect's laments bounced around his head wreaking havoc on his normally meticulous sensibilities. On the surface, there was very little in common with their situations. The suspect was referring to his turning eighteen, becoming a legal sex partner. However, somehow, when the statements were viewed at face value, they were eerily applicable. The more he thought on them, the more foretelling they became, not unlike a seer's reading. Grissom had become 'legal' in a different way. Their relationship had come out and their careers had survived. Unlike the suspect, he didn't become legal by becoming old, he just aged. The reality was that his worst fear had come to pass.

_I became too old for her…I stopped being a risk for her…_

Was Sara only pursuing him because he was unavailable, out of reach, a _risk_? Now that he was none of those things, was he just plain old? Once the chase was fulfilled and their relationship became safe, had he become inadequate to sustain her lust for life, did the horrors of the job overtake her; give her the excuse and the need to run?

He buried his head in his hands as he slumped forward, his body giving into the paralyzing uncertainty his life had become. His imagination was heading into dangerous territory. His ego was being beaten to within an inch of its existence. Yet, the words continued to echo in his head.

_I became too old for her…I stopped being a risk for her…so she had to look elsewhere…_

_She promised me everything, and then she took it all away…_

She made it clear, at least for now, he had to find the courage to keep living his life as it was without her. What he didn't know yet, was what lay beyond that. Did she ever plan to come back to him?

_I can't stay here…_

She couldn't stay, but he couldn't leave. He had to know more. She had said she wasn't leaving him, but that's all he could feel happening. That may not be what was intended, but that is what happened.

As he recovered from the impact of these revelations he meticulously began to dissect the problem. Now, his powerful reasoning made it like a case, a mystery he lived to solve. He had to find evidence. He had to know what was the truth, and what was only perceived to be the truth. Once he transformed this whole emotional crisis into a case, a puzzle to be solved, a quest for irrefutable evidence; he could rise from the crumpled heap on the bench and resume functioning in his life.

Grissom inhaled deeply and lifted his head. For decades, he masterfully kept his emotions neatly at bay as he processed horrific scenes and dealt with circumstances of pure misery. This practiced detachment would get him through the shift until he could go home, until he could face her.

Grissom returned to the interrogation room to find the suspect had calmed down considerably. He followed up with questions to hone down the story, nail down the timeline, and generally to wrap the session up neatly into a package he could put down on paper in a file to be delivered into the system.

He would make it home and his desperation would bring out the words he needed to confront Sara. While he was so crippled in his ability to communicate to her, his very survival depended on finding the truth. If he was reduced to 'get away vacation' status, from 'sharing a life' status, then he had to know….so he could move on.

What he didn't yet know, just a bit earlier, in another stark interrogation room, Sara sat across the table from a different man in an orange jumpsuit. Like him, she was embroiled in her own emotional crisis, a critical ego pounding blow to her self worth.

Sara was still trying to make sense of her last conversation with Grissom. She, too, was trying desperately to put explanations and truth to his actions; trying to see where their relationship really stood. Did he really describe their relationship in 'stasis'; was he finally saying he's angry? _Was he telling her to set him free if she couldn't stay?_

With all that was mulling around her head, she still managed to put her efforts into clearing Tom Adler. That's when she learned of his elaborate lie that she unknowingly propagated through blind faith. The devastating revelation that she battled heart and soul for a man who could do that was crippling.

While this was certainly not the first time someone she cared for completely let her down, there was something novel about this instance. This wasn't a desperate, evil human using any means to get out of taking responsibility for their actions. Or it wasn't like one of her remarkably poor choices in men which resulted in the heartbreak of infidelity on more than one occasion. Or even a reprehensible parent, too lost in their own problems to even show basic love to a child.

This was different. Tom Adler was a victim, an innocent victim, incapable of deception. She _needed_ to believe him at face value and fought the system on his behalf.

All things considered, this particular deception was particularly singeing, and somehow managed to wound a previously unblemished cache of her bleeding heart. She had provided Tom Adler emotional support for years now. After the way justice was handed down for what he and Pam had lost, it was the least she could do. So she put her whole worth into defending his word; only to learn that word was a facade, that he was capable of manipulating her, and it was devastating her in an all new way.

She sat across from him now, fighting back tears, trying desperately to elicit some explanation to redeem this awful act, reconcile the need for it, but it was not forthcoming. Humanity in Vegas impossibly slid another notch lower in her view of the world. It was already an intolerable place teeming with misery, death, and lies, but now, it was completely unconscionable. A place where even the innocent are irredeemable.

She couldn't get out of there fast enough.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

Sara ambled out of the police department in a near trancelike state. She was capable of putting one foot before another, and little else. She managed to get to the townhouse she had shared with Gil, hoping to have enough time to gather and organize her thoughts before facing him.

Their home was so safe and welcoming. Truly the only place in Las Vegas she could be relaxed and comfortable. Settling in with a cup of hot tea on the sofa, pulling in a throw pillow and hugging it tightly, she inhaled deeply taking in Grissom's scent.

The setting was a soothing influence. She would take some time to get over this latest betrayal in her life, but she was calming down from the shock of it, and was starting to think instead on her life with Gil.

Their last conversation was full of some not so cryptic references to their current situation. _Does he really think our relationship is static and withering?_ She was a bit angry at his lack of directness, although, she should know by now, that would never be forthcoming.

_Maybe he couldn't leave her; maybe he needed her to leave him._

Did he want to break it off, and just find himself unable to broach that with her directly? As the conversation played over and over in her head, that was the only conclusion that made sense. While she tried to reason through the situation, her emotions were bouncing all around, not able to settle on quite the right one.

Anger was trying to rear its ugly head. She had waited so long for him to resolve his conflicts and come to her; how could he dismiss her after only a few months of conflict for her? That was so unfair, after she had been so patient.

Sympathy was there as well. If she couldn't stay with him, and he couldn't leave, could she really expect him to wait indefinitely for her?

The anxiety that comes with uncertainty was the one emotion that was clearly winning out. Gil's shift had been over for hours, and he had not returned or called. That was speaking loud and clear.

She booked an early afternoon flight thinking that would leave plenty of time for them to be together, sharing their love, making their plans, saying good bye. This was not working out like she had planned, to say the least. She fought the urge to call him; he knew when she was leaving, this must be what he wants. It was a painful morning to endure, to say the least.

She stayed busy getting packed, but even that did not take as long as she needed it to. She was going somewhat insane in the townhouse alone.

That's when it hit her. She felt what it was like first hand. This was their shared space, like a cocoon where they safely morphed into a shared life, out of the glare of the lab, and protected from the misery and death they faced at work. Waiting here, not knowing when or if Gil would return was agonizing loneliness. It was far lonelier than being away from him somewhere else. And much more unbearable than enduring their separation before they were ever a couple; at least then, she hadn't known love like that, only dreamed of it. _This is what he feels all the time! No wonder he's angry._

As usual, Sara had to realize Gil's point of view on her own, but now she was there. She could reflect on her own situation in a way that could address his, and somehow reconcile what to do about it. Not that any solutions were coming to mind, but it was easier to see how his waiting for her now was not something he could be expected to continue to do.

Waiting as long as she could before calling a cab, she finally realized there would be no good bye, no heart to heart talk, and no lasting embrace. She would be forced to leave like before, without confronting him. But, this time, that was his choice.

*************************************

How cruel for his case to break right at the end of shift. Working it solo meant no delegating the wrap up duties to anyone else. Grissom worked like a man possessed to put the case to bed so he could leave, return to Sara and face her with his fears.

Working with a single-mindedness of purpose few mere mortals possess, Gil logged evidence and wrote up the details of his interrogation; doggedly avoiding thoughts of Sara to keep from derailing the entire process and missing her altogether.

He couldn't call to let her know what was happening. He couldn't stop and think of her at all. To do so would let his emotions bubble to the surface and keep him from finishing what he was compelled to do before leaving.

Loose ends kept popping up. Others sought his input on their pending cases. Anything and everything seemed to occur on the one day he was fighting to leave the lab, to deal with his life on the outside of it.

Grissom lost track of the time. He was focused on work in order to leave to see Sara one last time this trip, but it kept him from thinking on what she might be doing all this time. He knew nothing of the betrayal she had been confronted with by Tom Adler. And given his own insecurities about her dedication to their relationship, he completely underestimated her reaction to his earlier comments. He was completely in the dark as to how much pain she was in at that very moment, waiting for him to call or return.

Finally, logging the last of the case in, Grissom flew past everyone out of the lab, generating some well earned gossip. Not that he noticed.

Finally aware of the time, he was speeding toward home, just now contemplating how to confront Sara with his recent fears and emotions. How would he face Sara and reveal those fears, out loud, with her staring back at him? He had never been very good at any of that before, in the past, if he was lucky enough to even start, Sara would often rescue him.

He paused outside his own door. It's a case, a mystery, where's the key to the evidence? As he pondered that question, the answer appeared, the key was in the promises she made. What happened to those promises? That was where the answer was.

Barging through the doorway, "Sara!" Looking around, a little more tentatively, "Sara!?"

The crushing reality that his home was again empty tore into him. He slowly wandered about, checking for signs that she was really gone, and finding them everywhere he looked. Collapsing face down on the bed, uncharacteristically sharp anger took over his normally calm demeanor. Pounding his fists into the bed like a fighter battling for his life, emitting screams of utter frustration, he let loose a torrent of unprecedented loss of control.

He continued like that until his emotions coalesced into overwhelming sadness. His melancholy was smothering as he attempted to move.

He padded into the kitchen to pour a glass of water, trying to regain his analytical self and reign in his emotions. He still had to face Sara, but how.

As the refrigerator door closed, he was face to face with their picture. Staring now at his favorite image of them, in the earliest phase of their relationship, fascinated with every little discovery they made of each other and hungry to learn more. He even cracked a smile at the feelings the picture evoked, and as he reached up to take it down and soak it in, that's when he noticed the paper underneath. His given name being the only clue visible on it, and in Sara's distinctive handwriting.

Trembling now, he set down the picture and removed the note. He carried it over to the couch as if it would vanish if he didn't handle it carefully. He then sat down, focusing every nerve in his body on the letter, his fate could very well lie within it.

He inhaled deeply, carefully unfolding the sheet of paper until he was face to face with her words. Reading now, hearing her voice in his head, his heartbeat quickened in his chest with anticipation.

_Gil,_

_I am putting pen to paper as I wait for your return, which I am now starting to realize, may not occur before I have to leave. If you are reading this note now, I guess it means you chose to stay away, and I missed you. I was so hoping to show you before I had to leave, just how much love I still have for you. My love for you grows stronger, even in my absence._

_Not hearing from you or seeing your face this morning speaks volumes. Also, your words are hanging over me like an ominous cloud. That our relationship is static, prone to wither, and that you are now angry; it's frightening, but now I see it was inevitable given what I've done. You clearly hinted that I should leave you, set you free, now that I don't live here in Vegas. _

_I must admit, I don't know how to renew our relationship. I have faced and buried some ghosts of my past, but I have yet to handle my ghosts in Las Vegas. There is not even a peaceful green space of Vegas that I haven't worked a gut wrenching murder or body dump. I just can't stay there, no matter how badly I want to. I was so hoping that you would decide to come along with me and make a new life together._

_Please, know that I am working with everything I am to return to you. I will give you your space while I try to get my life on track. In the meantime, you are not alone, you are loved. The door to my house, and my heart, is always open and beckoning to you, but I know what I need to do, and I plan to go off and sort all this out, so I'll be out of touch for a while. I really have no idea how long that will take, or where it will take me._

_I do love you, be safe,_

_Sara_

His trembling hands lowered Sara's words as his gaze drifted upwards. He had completely blown everything. His words were intended to serve as an ultimatum of sorts, to make Sara want to stay in Vegas. Instead, she took it to mean he was asking her to leave him. His concentration on his case in an attempt to finish and get home to her only led her to think he was avoiding her. Another erroneous message. And now she was gone again.

Grissom's eyes closed as he sunk back into his sofa, clutching the letter to his chest, breathing deeply in an attempt to calm himself. He then began the first of many cell phone attempts, e-mails, texts; all of them unanswered. She left him to wallow in regret, while she mistakenly thought she was giving him what he wanted; to leave him alone.

tbc…..


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own these wonderful characters.

Staring into yet another magnificent sunset, Sara could only take another deep breath and revel in this new world she was discovering. She bravely signed on to a Sea Sheppard vessel patrolling the Galapagos Islands for an eight week tour of duty. She thought it would be just the thing she needed to clear her mind of old emotional baggage and imagine her future, find her direction. And, while she always dreamed of such an experience, she had only envisioned embarking on it with Grissom, never alone. Recent events made it necessary for her to go on and brave it, so she closed her eyes, and jumped on board.

It was a world that exceeded all her greatest expectations. Her love of animals went sated at every turn. Her intellectual curiosity was stimulated like never before, and she was surrounded by life, hope, and a host of optimistic, energetic naturalists. In her quiet time, either on the ship or roaming the islands, her mind was always on Grissom. She thought endlessly on all they had meant to each other, all the times they shared, and where they each stood at this crossroad.

She also thought on her time in Las Vegas. Where she was at that moment could not be a more polar opposite place. It was alive, green, surrounded by water, absent any commercial endeavors, intellectually challenging, and calming. The longer she was there, actually the longer she was anywhere but Las Vegas, the more she wanted to stay away. The better she felt about herself. If it hadn't been for Gil Grissom, she wondered how long she would have lasted.

On her trip, she found herself the recipient of a lot of male attention. It was at first unnerving, as she didn't think of herself as "available." She soon learned to enjoy it somewhat, but she was light years away from being able to enjoy any intimate male company other than Grissom. She wondered if she would ever be able to be with anyone else. It was certainly not something on the horizon.

In leaving Las Vegas, Sara was loosing the emotional shackles that were threatening to pull her under. Even her love for Gil would not have prevented that. She was hoping that time away would allow her to return, but it was becoming more and more evident that she would never be able to live there again. Time away was showing her how much better she could live.

On that particular evening, as the sun was dropping into the sea, leaving a glorious array of colors in the clouds above, Sara realized what she needed to do. It had taken her weeks to finally accept it, but accept it she had. She missed Gil more than words can describe. In fact, she fantasized that he was with her when she stumbled on a fantastic new discovery, or at night, alone, that he was there with her. But, all her fantasies and wishes couldn't pull him away from Vegas and the crime lab.

Sara accepted that she could not live there, and she accepted that he would not leave. The handwriting was on the wall. It would be the hardest thing she would ever do, but she would carry out what he had not so cryptically asked her to do; leave him.

She would spend the balance of the evening putting pen to paper to try and say what she needed to say to him. She wanted to give him freedom, but without making him feel remorseful. She had to make him think she was going to be OK without him, even though that was far from certain. Because she loved him as she did, it was important to try to help him move on and be happy.

The tear stained paper had so many scratch outs and rewrites that it was illegible even to her. As the words were taking shape in front of her, she'd never felt so alone in all her life, quite a feat given her life thus far.

When she finally finished, she looked into the mirror and saw that she could never be believable in that state. She would rehearse and record her message the next day. For the time being, she wandered out on deck to take in the moon and the stars, and breathe in the moist sea air, with all its healing powers.

The sound of the ship coursing through the water and the beauty of the night sky was having the desired effect. Sara was feeling more at ease, although she was clearly having difficulty wrapping her head around what she had come to terms with.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a kind voice, "Peso for your thoughts?"

She laughed at the lame, but sweet attempt to strike up a conversation. Ross Bradford was a gentle botanist who had been a field researcher his entire career. There was no one more knowledgeable about the local flora and fauna then he, and Sara had picked his brain on more than one occasion. He was in his late forties, Sara guessed, and was a bit socially awkward, but quite handsome in his own way. In those respects, he reminded her of just the man she was trying to put out of her mind.

"Well, that's about all they are worth!" As she turned to speak to him, her reddened eyes gave away her emotional state that her smile tried to hide.

He paused after seeing her face, then looking at the water, "You know," he inhaled sharply, "We'll be docking tomorrow night for a few days, and I know a great little hidden gem of a restaurant." Looking up at her, "Would you care to join me for dinner?"

Sara had also been staring down at the rippling water, but her head suddenly shot up. Not sure what to say, she took a deep breath, and softly replied, "I'd love to share a meal with you, but I'm really not free to date."

"I see."

"I mean, I'm in a relationship that is, well," rubbing her temples, "a little unsettled right now." Clearly uncomfortable she continued, "It's complicated, and not something I really want to share."

Ross was hardly an opportunist, nor people savvy, but even he could spot the opening in that statement. _She may say she's not free, but she's clearly not committed or she wouldn't be on a boat, solo, for the better part of two months_. "OK, no problem, dinner's on me though, no obligations, of course." He smiled genuinely back. He would never take advantage, but he definitely wanted to explore the possibility that she _might_ actually be available.

Sara accepted, reasoning it was NOT a date, so it would be all right. She definitely needed a friend about now. And, having company after taping her message the next day would definitely help her get past that step. Conversation with Ross would be a welcome diversion.

Meanwhile, under the same moon and stars, Gil Grissom was trying to focus on the task at hand. That mere feat was becoming increasingly more difficult, much to his dismay.

His initial attempts to reach Sara were unsuccessful, but not for lack of persistence. She was never far from his consciousness; and it was tormenting him not knowing where she was, how she was, or what she was thinking about them.

Later that shift, standing across Catherine over a dead body on the autopsy table his mind was off thinking of her. _How long is she going to keep me hanging like this?! _

"How is Sara doing these days?" Catherine's question brought him back.

"I don't know where Sara is," he stated calmly, as he refocused on the body they were processing. Now it was Catherine's turn to lose focus while she tried to make sense of _that_.

tbc....


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I know this story is heading into Angst Central, but this is where the TPTB took it....I'm only trying to fill in the gaps. And, OBTW, I don't own the story, characters, angst, etc, etc.....

Sara was emotionally drained and managed a few hours of decent sleep, only to awaken with the same resolve to follow through on what she knew she must do. She would never be able to return to Gil in Vegas; she was certain of that. Expecting him to leave what he had spent the better part of his career putting together, and what he still thrived on, was unrealistic. Text messages and e-mails don't keep you warm at night, and their few visits were hardly frequent or long enough to sustain any semblance of a real relationship.

She scotch taped the script she had prepared near the camera lens so she could discretely refer to it. She had rehearsed a few times, but the last thing she needed was to get off track and start over talking. No telling what ramblings would pour out. She pretended they were in his office, and sitting across his desk from one another. She had always managed to say what she needed to in that setting. As the camera rolled, she continued talking across the desk in her mind, until the end of the message neared. When the good-bye was immanent, her throat tightened, her voice cracked, and to prevent herself from full out sobbing on video she ended the message before she could say it. That was as much as she could do. She ended it with "_I'm good. I'm _really_ good, and, honestly, I think it's better this way."_ It's all she could get out. No good bye or I love you or even have a nice life. The second the video stopped the tears began to flow.

She feigned stomach flu and stayed in her room all evening. Catatonic grief had completely engulfed her. Ross accepted a "rain check" for dinner, and she promised him to go the very next night.

When she was able, she wandered into town, found an internet café and sent off her video message to Grissom. She never previewed it; she couldn't go there. It was done; time to move on. She immediately signed off; she didn't want to see if he responded. She really didn't think he would want to anyway.

That evening she felt a little unburdened, but just a bit. Still, it was enough to allow her to follow through with the dinner invitation. She donned a peasant dress and sandals that she had purchased in Ecuador and wore her hair curly and natural. Ross was waiting on deck for her with a bouquet of exotic flowers.

She smiled broadly upon seeing them, "Hey, no fair," she inhaled deeply the most intoxicating scent from the blooms, "this is not supposed to be a date."

"This is completely legal; I'm a botanist after all. I mean if I can't bring along a plant or two, then who can?" He was genuinely pleased to see her smile, "Why don't you put them in some water in your room, I'll wait for you here."

She nodded, and complied with his suggestion. The flowers were unique and magnificent. They brightened up the little stateroom, not to mention they brightened up her mood significantly.

The restaurant was out in the middle of nowhere, not much more than a covered porch connected to a kitchen. A nearby waterfall and friendly wildlife made for a picture perfect setting.

Over a glass of wine, Ross began to ask about forensics, "You must have so many amazing stories from that line of work. What is the most bizarre case you ever worked?"

The smile faded, "I burned out badly and sacrificed a lot to leave that job and that place behind. I really don't want to talk about any murdered victims. I'm trying hard to bury those ghosts."

"I'm so sorry. That was very insensitive of me. I guess for us lay people it's just so fascinating, but never having been face to face with it, well, …..I'm sorry"

"Tell me about your career, how long have you been in this area?"

"I've been researching biodiversity for my entire career, but I've just been here for the last three years. Before this, I lived in Costa Rica for ten years."

Sara managed to keep the conversation focused on his travels and botany work through the appetizers and another glass of wine. All the while he was dying to learn more about her.

He finally dove in, "So are you going to tell me about the man you left behind in Las Vegas?"

"I'd rather not, it's quite painful."

"Did he do something to hurt you?"

"Oh, my God, no! Nothing like that." Fidgeting in her seat, "It's complicated and it's off limits."

Ross detected the seriousness in her tone, and knew to back off.

The dinner conversation flowed much better as long as the topics stayed away from Sara's past. Ross was quite intelligent and entertaining, and, after a few glasses of wine, quite handsome. He was dressed in a tropical print shirt and jeans. The shirt would have looked ridiculous anywhere else, but was perfect for that location. He was quite tanned and fit as one would expect from someone spending all their time rummaging in remote locations in search of rare vegetation.

On the walk back to the ship, Sara started noticing an attraction for this gentle stranger. Kindness and companionship in this lonely period of her life appealed to her, despite the fact that she hadn't gone looking for it.

When they got back to the ship, Sara was ready to part ways. She was still weary from the turmoil she went through over sending the video message. At her door, there was an awkward moment when Ross looked as though he might try to kiss her good night. They stood there, face to face, very close, while he tried to read her.

"Thank you," she whispered, and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek, "Good night."

He nodded and smiled as she disappeared into her room. Clearly a bit disappointed, but he had been warned that she did not consider their dinner a date. Still, he couldn't help feeling immense attraction for this mysterious woman.

Grissom was trying his best to focus on work, but was having more and more uncharacteristic lapses. Between his lack of sleep, missing meals, being preoccupied with what might be going on with Sara, and grieving for Warrick, he was in bad shape. His melancholy was so pervasive, even the poor dog, Hank, was starting to act depressed.

He stopped checking his phone and e-mail as frequently and certainly without the expectation of a message from her, but he also worried that she was even alive. He became angry that she cut off all communication, and he certainly didn't understand that it was his words and actions which caused her to do just that.

Finally, he opened his laptop, checked for mail, and saw it. A message from Sara. All his anger flew out the window and his heart beat picked up pace. He tentatively clicked on the message, but there were no words, just an attachment. He opened the video to see Sara's beaming face on what was obviously some kind of ship. As she began to describe her adventure in the Galapagos, he could only look at her in wonder, his face beaming. But, she changed the subject to talk about their relationship.

_Before I left you said some things I tried not to hear….. _

The good feeling went away, and fast. He found it hard to breathe as he racked his brain trying to remember that conversation. His gut told him this is not something he wanted to hear back, and he was right. He listened through the whole message, but he couldn't comprehend the meaning; it was too shocking.

The phone was ringing, the cell phone chirping, even the beeper, but Grissom ignored all of that. He pressed replay more times than he could count. He kept looking for a clue, a hidden message, something to tell him that her words were not what she really wanted to say. He couldn't find it.

Finally, he couldn't ignore the lab any longer. In fact, Catherine had to respond in his absence. Going to work the case didn't stop the video message from playing in his head, over and over. He had never known such sadness. Even when Sara left her note and left the lab; deep down he never thought she would stay away for good. Now she just told him that was exactly what would happen.

tbc....


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Major spoilers for the episode "Leave out all the Rest", and the usual disclaimer, the characters, the dialogue from the episode, and the decision to let Grissom go to Lady Heather, are NOT mine.....

Grissom tried to concentrate on the grisly case he'd just caught, if nothing else, to try and get his mind off Sara's message. However, another uncharacteristic symptom of his emotional state was a profound empathy with the victims. He had always been able to focus on the science, and ignore the tragedy, but it was becoming harder and harder to do that. The end result was that work didn't provide the rescue it once did. There was just no safe haven for him anywhere anymore.

And it's not like he didn't feel bad enough, he had to go out in a driving rainstorm to the latest scene. Catherine arrived first, and was going to let him slide for not responding in a timely fashion, but she had to call him to task for it once he criticized her for the handling of the scene before he arrived.

Mercifully, they got the body back to the lab and out of the rain. This body had more than its share of odd wounds, a linear burn mark on the tongue, multiple post mortem stab wounds, and, the most bizarre of all, deliberate puncture wounds around the nipples. Discussing the wounds with Doc Robbins, it soon became evident that the wounds were S&M in nature. Still, Gil and Catherine recognized that the post mortem stab wounds confused the picture; they were more consistent with a sexual sadist. Unable to reconcile how these two totally different predilections manifested in the same victim, Grissom abruptly exited the room, causing Catherine to bristle and Doc to shrug. Catherine still worried about him. Clearly he wasn't sleeping, but he wouldn't talk to her about anything.

Grissom seized the chance to take a break. He left the lab, and avoided his home, to seek an expert opinion on S&M and sexual sadism. He hadn't seen Heather Kessler in quite a while, and as he got closer to her house, he began to get nervous. Could he trust himself with her in his current state? Would she see right through him? She was uncanny in how she could read him. After driving around town for a few hours, he finally got the nerve to approach the house.

She abruptly opened the door, startling him, "Grissom, what are you doing here?"

He began by apologizing for not phoning ahead, and then started in right away talking about the case. A safe topic. "I'd like to get your first impressions."

"My first impression is that you've changed," she observed.

It unsettled him wondering what she saw in him that told her that. He didn't think he had changed so much as he was just a bit off balance, not quite himself.

She served up some hot tea, filled him in on her career change; no longer a dominatrix she was now a licensed therapist. Grissom couldn't see her totally out of the sex business, "You must specialize in sex therapy." She only smiled in reply.

He had spent hours there, and appeared in no hurry to leave. In addition to providing an explanation for the wounds on the victim, Heather had her usual laser sharp insight into the victim's personality. She was able to look at photos of his house and bedroom, and filled in the details describing his relationship with his wife, and even glimpses at her personality. It was becoming clear that his S&M practice, and his murder by a sexual sadist might actually be unrelated.

Their conversation mainly stuck to the topics raised in examining the case, until Heather finally brought up Sara.

"Does Sara know you're here?"

"No."

"Am I _your_ secret?"

His reply was stern, "No, and you're not my therapist."

It wasn't hard for Heather to see that something had happened with the couple. "May I make a personal observation, not as a therapist, but as a friend?"

Grissom could only manage a shrug.

"Everything I told you, you could have found in a book. I think you're here for a more personal reason."

Grissom had no response, but just stood frozen, looking away from her.

"Grissom," she stared at him, "Where is Sara?"

She hit the bull's-eye, and she knew it. He didn't come for therapy, but therapy is just what he got. She tried to console him, let him know he would need to grieve for the end of the relationship.

"I didn't say the relationship was over," he meekly replied.

"You didn't have to, by not making a decision, that was your decision."

She used the same phrase Sara had. It was confusing to him that Sara would say that, and now Heather put it the same way. He realized he had been in denial about needing to actually make a decision. He never believed Sara would not get better with time and return to him in Vegas. He didn't need to leave, because she would be back. He wasn't _deciding_ to stay; he was just biding his time.

"Do you regret not going with her?"

He shrugged, "It was beyond my control." That was partly true, the effect on the lab of all the events of the last year were devastating enough; if he left in the middle of all that, it might have been irreparable. The whole truth is he didn't consider it a decision at all, just something he felt compelled to do.

It was hard for Heather to look at Grissom in his current state of confusion and despair. It was so profoundly out of character for him to be so emotional, and so transparent. He was clearly exhausted, in desperate need of a good rest. She knew he was not there for an expert opinion so much an escape to the only place in Las Vegas that didn't remind him of Sara.

"I have a guest room upstairs; you can stay as long as you want."

She escorted him upstairs and saw him into the room, ensuring he was comfortable on the bed and not in need of anything, she started to leave.

"Heather, would you stay?"

She answered silently by retreating back into the bedroom and closing the door behind her.

Grissom and Heather had once flirted with an intimate relationship, but it never got past infatuation before he realized that his feelings didn't run deep enough to continue to see her that way. They remained in contact, though, and forged a friendship out of mutual respect and an intellectual curiosity of the world around them. As intensely private as he was, he was always amazed at what she was able to infer about him. Once he was with Sara, he insisted that they were still friends, but the contact waned, and it had been over a year since they'd even spoken. Heather was rarely off on her observations of Grissom, but was somewhat stumped at what he wanted that night. He didn't seem ready to move on from Sara, far from it actually. However, he was soliciting her company in a bedroom, alone, what else could he want?

She took a seat on the edge of the bed next to where he lay, and placed her hand on his thigh. Grissom pushed himself up to sit next to her, when she noticed that he avoided looking at her face. Nevertheless, he caressed her cheek, closed his eyes, and kissed her, softly at first, then passionately. As the kiss intensified, he pulled her into a tight embrace, hands wandering over her, grabbing at her clothes.

Heather finally pulled back, seeing his face confirmed her fears. His eyes were still closed. For someone who had made a living delivering people their fantasies, she was not interested in playing Sara for Grissom, no matter how desperate he was to be with her.

"Open your eyes."

He took a deep sigh and complied.

"You're not here with me, you're still with her."

"What are you talking about?"

She rose from the bed, adjusted her clothes, and headed for the door, "This is not the way to deal with her absence, and I think you know that."

He continued to avoid eye contact with her. She went on, "You need to talk to her, get some closure and move on, or go to her, and make a new life together."

He nodded.

"Depending on the outcome, _then_ maybe we can have this tryst," she said seductively. "Actually, what you need to do first is get some sleep, I'll be right back." She left to make a cup of herbal tea that was sure to put him out for a while, especially since she ground up a sleeping pill and mixed it in the tea. It wasn't long before he was deep asleep, oblivious to his cell phone ringing from the lab, and finally oblivious to his pain from missing Sara.

tbc....


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: I just have time to get out a short update, but I wanted to post something so our hero isn't left hanging. The next chapter will get back to Sara._

Gil Grissom was experiencing the best sleep he'd had in weeks. Dreamless, worry free sleep; sleep that recharges.

Meanwhile, the team was clustered around the layout table trying to connect the evidence to the suspects. "We're missing something," Catherine lamented. They were missing more than evidence, they were missing their leader. The case would go unsolved for now.

While he slept, Heather ruminated on Grissom and Sara. She knew how this remarkably brilliant man was woefully inept at communication, and from what she knew about Sara, she was no better. Heather reasoned that if she got a look at Sara's message, she might be able to help the couple. That and her curiosity got the best of her while she waited for Grissom to finally wake up. She took his keys and searched his car to find the laptop. She brought it inside, wondering if it was going to have pesky password problems. To her amazement, no passwords, just two clicks and right into his e-mail account. He divulged the fact that Sara had communicated through e-mail, and she had no problem finding her message. When she opened it, she was surprised to find no text. She had assumed it was a written message, but then she noticed the attachment. She couldn't help but smile, _This ought to be good!_ Clicking on the video attachment she came face to face with Sara's image.

The last time Heather had seen Sara, she had been the victim of an S&M fantasy that had gone wrong. Sara had gone to the hospital to document Heather's injuries. The woman on the video was much more relaxed, her face was tanned, her hair was fun, she was changed, and she showed off her best feature, her smile.

Heather watched the video, listening to the message the first time through, but the replay was all about what wasn't said. Her razor sharp observation told her that the spoken words were not the story. This relationship was not over, unless Gil Grissom wanted it to be, because Sara was not over him.

She watched it one more time to be sure, and just then the laptop snapped shut, "What do you think you are doing!"

Heather looked up to see an enraged Grissom. "I'm trying to help you."

"That's off limits. How dare you!"

"She's not over you, not by a long shot."

Grissom's expression softened; he looked at her expectantly.

"You have to look at her, look past her words."

He shrugged, "But, she said she was finally happy, she was good. She was so emphatic about it."

Heather let out a soft laugh, "She was too emphatic. When someone tries that hard to convince you of something, usually they are trying to convince themselves as well. Anybody can see that."

Grissom rolled his eyes; she didn't have to act like it was obvious to everybody.

Heather opened up the laptop and started the video. Near the end she showed Grissom where Sara's voice cracked, and then, at the end, her face was starting to contort as she hit the end button. "She didn't end this appropriately because she was about to cry."

Grissom just stared at the screen trying to process this new perspective.

Heather continued, "What was she referring to, the things you said that she tried not to hear?"

He refocused and shrugged, "She must be talking about the stuff, you know, about a relationship not moving forward, it withers, and you get angry."

"There was something else, Grissom," she insisted.

He nodded, "There was a couple, the wife was brutally assaulted, but survived to exist in a coma. Her husband stayed by her side for years, but finally snapped. He killed her to escape that life. Sara just couldn't accept it, it really tore her up. When we talked about it, she asked _why wouldn't he just leave? _I responded that maybe he couldn't leave, and maybe he needed her to leave him. She asked who we were talking about, and I didn't answer."

Heather gave him a huge eye roll. "Grissom, don't you see what she's doing?"

His face showed the confusion he felt.

"You asked her to leave, in so many words. She's trying to give you what she thinks you want, your freedom. She's giving you that freedom with no baggage, no worries that you hurt her. That's why she says she's happy and she's good." Heather lowered her head to look Grissom in the eye, "She really loves you. She loves you enough to give you that at her expense."

He made his way to the nearest chair just as his legs gave way. Slumping over, head in his hands, "What have I done?"

Heather placed a hand on his sagging shoulder, "Nothing that you can't fix. For a man as brilliantly observant as you, who can find meaning in the tiniest spec of evidence, you can be blind as a bat where matters of the heart are concerned."

He looked up at her with hurt in his eyes, but she continued, "The good thing for you is that Sara knows this too, and she'll forgive you."

As Heather's words were still sinking in, she added, "But, I wouldn't wait too long to straighten things out, she's out on a ship in paradise, and I seriously doubt she doesn't draw plenty of attention from available men. She may act on it if she thinks the relationship is over. Look what almost happened here last night," she added with a smirk.

"Ah, yes," Grissom looked up ruefully, "On that note, I owe you an apology."

"You owe me more than that; a thank you is in order."

"What do you mean?"

"I know you are feeling lonely, but for a man that professes that sex without love is pointless and depressing, imagine how much lower you would have sunk waking up next to me and not her."

He stared off into space, taking a deep, pensive breath, "Thank you, Heather."

tbc


	7. Chapter 7

Grissom finally left Heather's house feeling somewhat upbeat. He had a much better read on his situation with Sara, more specifically, he finally understood the question before him, so now he had no doubt he could decipher an answer. His first priority; however, was damage control with Catherine. She was getting the brunt of his unavailability, and had been covering for him, but she deserved better. He needed to talk with her; grovel actually.

He found her still at the lab after a long, trying shift. "Ah, the prodigal son returns."

"I deserve that, I'm sorry."

"I'm really worried about you. I've never seen you miss a call out, or drop out of sight in the middle of a case before, what in the world is going on."

"Dealing with Sara being gone is hard enough, but add on Warrick, and it's taken its toll on me. I got some help though, and I'm feeling better. I won't ever do this again. Please, accept my sincere apology."

Catherine wanted him to open up a lot more to her, but she sort of knew that's all that would be forthcoming. She simply nodded, "Apology accepted."

Grissom smiled broadly at her and turned around to leave. It wasn't lost on her how unusual that was. It was nearly impossible to get him to leave when they had a puzzling case, but he just walked away from all the evidence laid out before them. She knew at that moment, it would be no surprise at all if the time had come for him to move on.

Gil Grissom spent the next several days making lists when not at work. Reasons to leave, reasons to stay, reasons to let Sara move on, reasons he couldn't live without her in his life. The lists helped him bring objectivity and reason to this emotionally charged decision. The practice helped him stabilize his emotions, and he was finally able to formulate a reply to her message.

The revisions and edits to the reply were ceaseless. He couldn't muster the courage to send it, because he continued to make it better, more accurate, more effective, more eloquent. When he finally thought he had made his last revision, he sat staring at it, finger hovering over the send button, unable to make the leap.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Sara finally had access to the internet at a library in the next port. It had been days since she sent Grissom the video message, and she was beside herself wondering what his response would be. She was trembling as she hit the keys to access her e-mail. Her heart sank as she saw no reply. Nothing. It was devastating. She was used to his silence, but following that message, she expected _something._

Just as she keyed in to sign off, his finger landed on the mouse sending the message off. It was just a brief second too late; consequently it was destined to languish on the server for several more days, unread.

Sara was feeling unsettled. If she and Grissom really were parting ways, it was going to be hard enough, but she'd never manage without some kind of closure from him. She felt so incredibly alone. Feeling the pain of a broken heart, but not able to shake the powerful urge to turn to him for comfort as she had for years now. It was a cruel paradox.

She had to keep busy; that much was clear. Sara volunteered for just about anything that came up, and when a group was going into town for beers, she was definitely in.

Ross was a very patient man; he gave Sara the space she requested. Still, he knew that she was struggling with something, but not something she was prepared to share. Stepping up as she was recently didn't go unnoticed by him. He could only hope that she would feel the need to unburden herself and choose to confide in him.

When the time came to go out on the town, the group met on deck and headed out together. They were already so much fun and so interesting all the time, Sara was really looking forward to getting this group in more of a party atmosphere to see how much more fun they could have together.

It reminded her of the camaraderie the team shared back at CSI, and gave her the same good feeling. There was intelligence and exuberance, but mostly a shared commitment to a cause. The biggest difference was the cause here was life, specifically wildlife, whereas at CSI it was justice, usually for a death.

The stories flowed, the jokes as well, and laughter rained down. Sara _did_ feel good; for now at least. As the group thinned out, Ross jumped up when Sara stood to leave, walking out with her, "Do you want to go someplace else?"

"I really just want to go back to the ship; I'm tired for some reason."

"Sure, let me walk with you though."

"Thanks, I'd like that."

The night air was balmy, but a breeze off the water was welcoming. The night sky was clear and a full moon lit the way. The stars were spectacular. "The lights of Vegas hid all this celestial splendor, you had to venture out in the desert to see stars at all," Sara lamented.

"Vegas is one place I've never been."

"That makes sense; I can't even picture you there!"

"Frankly, I can't picture you there either, how did that happen that you moved there?"

"I was working in San Francisco as a CSI when I met someone; a CSI in Vegas. I moved there to be with him."

"Is he the reason you won't let me take you out on a date?" Ross asked softly.

"Yes." The brevity of her answer was a strong hint that details would not be forthcoming. "So, Ross, when are you getting back to your research?"

"Ah, well, CSI's are not the only ones to experience burn out," he sighed. "I wanted to get aboard the Sea Shepard to really see these islands for pure pleasure, and then I'll be taking a little break while I try to figure out what my next project might be."

"I can't believe this," genuine surprise in her voice, "when you were telling me about your work there was so much passion, not burn out."

"Passion for the research, yes, but not for the grant applications, politics, funding requests, and that sort of thing." With a shrug he added, "Besides, I really finished a series of projects that had run their course; I need to start up fresh and I need time to figure out what it's going to look like."

"So what in the world are you going to do in the meantime?"

"I'm going back to Miami, my family still lives there, and I have a lot of time to make up with them. I'll be teaching at the university there."

Sara nodded as she thought about what kind of family he had.

"So, what about you?" He playfully nudged her with his elbow, "What are you going to be doing after the stint on the Sea Shepard?"

She rolled her eyes, "I'm still trying to figure that out. I was going to try to get you to let me try my hand at field research. I think a lot of the skills I've practiced over the years would work well in scientific research, and I would love to explore more of this amazing place."

His eyes lit up, "You'd be wonderful at it!"

"Too bad you're taking a break from it."

"Boy, I'll say it is," shaking his head, "but it's just as well."

"What do you mean?"

He looked down as he stopped walking. "I'm not, um…." He took a deep breath, "I'm not sure I could work with you, and not, well, get to know you, better." He finally braved eye contact, "You know what I mean?"

Sara froze. She understood what he meant, and she honestly didn't know what to say. She was away from her one true love, he wasn't coming, she wasn't returning, but she couldn't accept that it was over. And she really couldn't take the steps to get close to anyone else, even baby steps. She started to tremble, and then the tears started to flow. She was feeling tremendous loneliness, and was powerless to do anything about it, despite the fact that a very desirable man was obviously ready to keep her company.

"Oh, my," Ross murmured as he pulled her into an embrace and she continued to cry into his shoulder. "Time helps everything, you'll get through this." Stroking her hair, and taking in her subtle scent was intoxicating. He pulled back just a bit as she was gaining control, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not really ready to talk about it. Let's just stay, things are not settled, our future is uncertain, but even if I knew it was over, I'm still so in love with this man, that I'm pretty sure it would be a mistake to try to get involved with someone else right now."

Ross was crushed. He was so hoping that he was gaining ground with her, but he could see it wasn't going to happen, at least not on this cruise. He slipped his arm around her shoulder and started to lead her back to the ship, "How about this. I'm going to make a few calls and see what opportunities might be out there for you, and we'll meet for lunch and discuss it."

Sara wiped her eyes, and managed her smile, "It's a date."

"Really?"

"Well," she sighed and feigned exasperation, "you know what I mean."

On the ship, there was an awkward pause at the door to her room. Sara leaned in to place a kiss on Ross's cheek, "Thank you for being there."

It was all he could do not to grab her up and show her the love he was beginning to feel, what she was missing so badly. He hung his head as she quickly moved inside the room and shut the door. A cold shower was in order.

Ross didn't fully understand how Sara could be so in love, and yet leave this man. He wondered if he had hurt her somehow causing her to leave. She had indicated that she had burned out badly from work, and Vegas was too much of a reminder of all that misery making it impossible for her to even live there, but then why wouldn't they just move off somewhere together. It just didn't make sense. He would have followed her anywhere.

Ross followed through on his promise. Bright and early the next morning, he went back into the town and proceeded to look up several of his contacts in biological research. His first priority was to find someone working in the Everglades or the Keys. That way he could be close by while he was in Miami, but that didn't work out. He did manage to find a couple of projects that he thought would be good for Sara. He rushed back to the ship to find her waiting expectantly on the deck. "Any luck?" she called out to him.

"You bet," he answered excitedly.

"Well," she smiled, "I can't wait to hear about it, but first I need to apologize."

"You do _not_ owe me an apology, for anything."

"No, I do." She took a deep breath. "You've been so sweet and patient, and you let me know you're interested, and I'm so sorry that I'm emotionally unavailable right now." She reached up to caress his cheek, "Maybe down the line....you never know, our paths may just cross again."

It was his turn to get choked up, but he fought mightily against his emotions, keeping his feelings in check, he simply nodded and smiled, "C'mon, let's go get a bite, I'm starving and I've got lots to tell you about."

tbc....

a/n: Not a lot of action, but I'm trying to set up the next sequence of events....stay tuned!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight

For lunch, Ross took Sara to a little place that wasn't much more than a shack surrounded by picnic tables. Despite the Spartan décor, the setting was nothing short of idyllic; it was situated by a lovely bay that sheltered a dock for fishing boats. The boats would slowly move along in and out of the bay, leaving almost no wake. Occasionally, one would stop and bring in some of the day's catch. Needless to say, the seafood was fresh, and cooked up with flair. The fruits and vegetables were just as fresh, and tasty, even if she wasn't sure what all she was eating. "I am amazed at the secret places you can find!" Ross returned her smile, feeling quite pleased at the moment.

The contrast to Las Vegas' glitz and glitter was stark, and welcome for Sara. It was all making her feel so much better to be away from there. She couldn't believe how ill suited Vegas was for her all this time. _If only it was ill suited for Grissom, too. _

"Where in the world has that incredible mind wandered off to now?"

She laughed, "I'm just admiring this place. I still can't get over it." Taking it all in, "So, when are you going to tell me what you found out?"

"Oh, right!" Ross was caught in mid swallow, and had to swig his water to clear his throat. "Ok, first off, I know how much you want to work here, but this is 'high end' in the biologic research world. I mean Daddy Darwin's play land. It's a small area, limited resources, and every researcher the world over wants to come." He grimaced, "Not a lot of 'entry level' opportunities."

They both shared a laugh, "I never thought about it that way."

"So then I called some colleagues down in South Florida. I thought if I could get you in there, I could pop in and keep an eye on you," he said with a wink. Sara returned the smile, expectantly waiting for what he did find.

"So, now I did find two projects. They are like apples and oranges, totally different, so here goes. The first is with a good friend I've collaborated with before. He's a botanist, more specifically an arborist, and he's studying the most amazing plant structures on the earth, the Redwoods in California. The study is well funded; the state likes to keep their signature trees healthy."

Sara shrugged and nodded. A lot less exuberance than Ross expected, "I thought that was where you were from, you don't look so excited to go back."

"Well, I'd really like to venture out. I've seen a lot of those Redwoods as a child. My hippie parents loved to go camping when we were little. The memories aren't exactly calling me back." Feeling a little awkward and not wanting to think on her childhood at that particular moment, "So, um, do you have something else to tell me about?"

"Oh, yes, I do indeed." He took another bite of lunch, while Sara was on pins and needles. Calmly he spoke, "Costa Rica."

"What!"

"That's right, you wouldn't believe the research that goes on there. There are three base stations, my favorite is La Selva. It's in a rainforest paradise. The accommodations are pretty comfortable, and the lab facility is unsurpassed. When you get out in the field, no matter how remote, they have good support."

By now Sara was on the edge of her seat.

"There's a zoologist who has worked at that station for over twenty years. He specializes in measuring animal populations. I've collaborated with him on a few projects when he wanted to see what effect vegetation had on the diets of the animals he was researching. Obviously, following endangered species' draws the money from the conservation folks, if not the universities. His projects always have lots of funding, therefore lots of room for more help, and stipends to go around." While Sara sat transfixed by this idea, he added, "Besides, he's old, bald, and married, so I don't have to worry about you with him," he said with a smirk.

Sara laughed a hearty laugh. She was craving more details though, "Ok, tell me more…"

"Right now, old Rusty has found a species of birds that is flourishing in that rainforest, while most are dying out. He's got a high profile study going on to try to find out how the successful species is doing it."

Sara was about to come unglued. She couldn't imagine an intellectual challenge or an experience more engaging than this one appeared to be.

"I'm in," she spoke excitedly, "Oh, yeah, I'm totally in." Just then she moved across the table, threw her arms around him aiming a kiss at his cheek. He turned at just the right moment to plant his lips on hers. He held her tight in a passionate embrace. At first she recoiled, but she couldn't pull away, so eventually she melted into his arms, his kiss had the right effect. She felt wanted, and he was right there. As the passion intensified, she suddenly jolted into reality, planted both palms on his chest and pushed him away.

Ross immediately began shaking his head, "God, Sara, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me," he hung his head.

"No, it's my fault," she sighed, "I'm probably giving you mixed messages. I come flying at you with open arms in excitement, but I don't want a passionate kiss in return?" She placed her hand on his arm, "You are doing so much to rescue me, but you must allow me to be grateful without romance."

He grimaced, "You are tough to resist under any circumstances." After some silence, "I can't understand a man you love not following you to the ends of the earth." He paused, then softly, "Why isn't he here?"

Sara's eyes misted, "I can't answer that." Her mood had obviously deflated after that comment, "I think I need to be alone, excuse me." She left Ross and started walking to town. She found the library and asked about the internet.

"No internet, Buddy."

"Buddy?" She shook her head, "What do you mean? You have no internet access?"

"No! No internet, Buddy, its broke."

She shook her head. _Why am I asking this? _"Why are you calling me Buddy?"

"American, I made you a mile away."

"Oh, geez, whatever, Um, who else has internet?"

"Nobody on theese island."

"What do you mean…NOBODY has internet? On this entire island?!"

"Si, this is no mucho grande island "

"And it's broken."

"That's a fact, Jack."

_Jack? What happened to Buddy?_ "How about I take a look at it, I'm pretty good with computers."

"You can try okay, but esta muerte," and he proceeded to cross himself and mumble something else in Spanish.

He led Sara over to an ancient looking computer made by a company she'd never even heard of. She tried to power it up, but nothing happened. She crawled under the desk to check that the thing was actually plugged in, and it was. While she was back there, she checked for an Ethernet cable, but found only a phone line.

She crawled out from under the desk, "You're right, it's a goner. But, before it died, how did it connect to the internet, cable maybe?"

"No, telefono."

Sara could only look skyward, and try to breath, "dial up," she mumbled as she rolled her eyes. She had a laptop back at the ship, but it didn't have a phone jack. Sara uttered a thank you and wandered back outside. She stumbled out of the library cursing the lack of progress. All the while here she had lauded the Galapagos' lack of technology, now she was defiling it. What she would give for an internet café right now.

She almost doubled over in grief, holding her arms around her stomach as if in pain. She had to get something from Grissom. Whether it was 'I'll come with you' or, more likely, 'go in peace', she needed the verdict. She wandered through the town, trying to find some way to get in touch with Grissom, but not finding much of a town, much less any connection to the outside world, she was left to wander back to the ship still in a state of suspended limbo.

The Sea Shepard left port and sailed for the next several days looking for a whaling ship that had been reported west of the islands. Those days were some of the longest Sara had ever endured. There was little to do on the ship, and the entire voyage was unrewarding as they never encountered the whalers. She couldn't help spending the long hours wondering what Grissom would say to her.

Things between Sara and Ross were awkward after the kiss. He continued to tell her about what she would find in Costa Rica, but there were no exuberant hugs thrown in. Their interaction had become rather formal, even distant.

Mercifully, they returned to Santa Cruz, the closest thing to civilization in the archipelago. Sara couldn't get off the ship fast enough. Ross knew where she was headed, and he knew she needed to be alone, but it was hard to watch her leave.

Sara finally found a hotel that had an internet connection, but she had to wait in line to use it. Over an hour passed until her turn came up, and by then she was almost afraid to do it. She had waited so impatiently for this moment, and now she was unable to let go of not knowing. Not knowing was better than finding out that they were over.

Struggling to keep her hands steady enough to type in the information, she paused over the get mail button, closed her eyes and clicked the mouse.

There it was. It was an email from Gil. She could barely breathe.

_One more click, Sara, open it up. _The message opened; she started to slowly read it.

_Sara,_

_As fond as I am of allowing historically great writers to speak my sentiments for me, you should know that I am refraining from attaching any one else's words to this message; all words herein are flowing from my heart._

_I can't begin to describe the spectrum of emotions your message stirred in me, but I can tell you I felt the extreme of each one. Thoughts of you have consumed me nearly every waking moment, and lately, almost every moment for me is a waking moment. I truly struggle to understand how we arrived at this precarious point in our relationship, and I torture myself thinking of all the ways I could have done things better. It being my first time in love, I was inexperienced in relationships, and so frightened of the power you seem to have over me. Right now, I need you to know and understand two things._

_The first is that you were wrong that not making a decision is making a decision. I have not honestly faced the question of leaving the lab. I must confess, deep down, I just knew that the universal healing power of time would magically erase your pain and allow you to return to me. I didn't know until I watched you on the video that I was wrong about that. It was far too simplistic to think time away would change everything. I didn't understand that, and I'm sorry. I see now that this is not the place for you to live, and it was wrong of me to expect you to resume doing it._

_The second thing is that my heart is not as young and unfeeling as it once was. It can't take you leaving the way you did. After my calls and messages went unanswered, my imagination went crazy despite my best efforts to contain it, after everything we've seen, occupational hazard I suppose. I need to know when you are away that you are all right. And, I want to be able to contact you. Please, promise me that much._

_I hope you continue to enjoy your time exploring the Galapagos. I can only close my eyes and day dream that I am there by your side. I have already spoken to Ecklie about some time off, and we are working out how to cover it. When you get back to San Francisco, I would like to come out for a couple of days, and sort all this out with you. In the meantime, I am finally focusing on the right questions, and trying to examine my life and my choices._

_Please, don't give up on us, Sara._

_I love you,_

_Gil_


	9. Chapter 9

Sara's jaw dropped after reading the message. She read it over and over, until she almost burned it into her consciousness. She knew Gil Grissom better than anyone else, so how could she have misread him so badly?

She tried to print the letter only to get an error message. When she looked over to the printer, there was a note scotch taped to it with Spanish scribbled on it. She couldn't make out much of the meaning, but she could tell that she wouldn't be getting a print out today. "You have got to be kidding me," she blew out in exasperation.

As the people in line were getting antsy waiting, she was actually grateful for not knowing Spanish. She couldn't comprehend all the nasty comments she was drawing by lingering over that message. It didn't matter anyway; she was collecting herself and sending a reply before she budged from that computer.

_Gil,_

_I just finished reading the most welcome sentiment I have ever received. Your words were so eloquent and beautiful, what will follow here is sure to be an over talking, chaotic mess, a veritable flight of ideas! I have no time to organize my thoughts, and I am rocked to my core by your entire message. You wouldn't believe what I had to do to even be able to read it! Right now, I'm in some flea bag hotel, whose name I can't even pronounce, while an angry mob is yelling Spanish obscenities at me waiting for me to get off the computer, so that's also a little distracting. _

_I was stunned to hear your optimism because I didn't see any of that when I was with you. All that talk about the Adlers, and the parallels you drew to us???? I thought sure you wanted me to leave you, set you free if I couldn't return. I went off to ponder that. I apologize for being out of touch, but I couldn't think objectively if I was always calling you up. I needed the space and the distance, but I neglected to think that you would be worried about my safety. Yikes, so sorry. _

_There is no way I can be a worthy partner for you living in Vegas. Once I knew that as a certainty, I really only had one choice. I would give you what you asked for. Or what I thought you asked for. I'm so confused. Really, really confused._

_We have no internet on the ship, and the ports are very primitive for the most part. A very isolated place. Please, be patient with my lack of contact until I get back._

_I can't wait to hear your voice. I will call as soon as I get a chance. I will wait for you. I love you, and only you, _

_Sara_

She didn't even proof read it, but hit send immediately. However, she did take the time to read Gil's words one last time, and then exited the hotel before the mob took matters into their own hands. Her head was spinning as she made her way back to the ship. She was trying to get a handle on all that had transpired in the last few days.

Sara needed to find Ross. She needed more details about the Costa Rica assignment so she would be able to fill Grissom in on it whenever she got the next opportunity. Ross was no where to be found; however, which was very unlike him.

Just thirty minutes before the ship was due to set sail, he came bounding up to the harbor and boarded. Sara stopped him on the deck, "Hey there! Where've you been?"

"My old lab is on this island, and I still have the key," he said with a broad grin. "I've been finalizing your assignment in Costa Rica."

Her face lit up, "Tell me."

"First, you tell me what has you positively radiant."

"I'll fill you in, but later, don't change the subject on me now."

"Ok then," he sighed, "As a favor to me, they've taken my word on your credentials to go on and start up the process, but I need to forward your CV along as soon as possible."

"No problem, I updated it when I left the lab and it's on my laptop."

"Great, that makes it easy. In the meantime, the study is really hot. Undergrads from all over are clamoring to get on board, so we need to get you in before the semester starts. Basically, you need to go straight there when our cruise is done."

Sara's eyes grew huge. She was thinking she would have some down time before jumping into this. Also, it meant she wouldn't see Grissom in San Francisco which was even worse.

Ross continued, "You know, this is not all just as a favor to me. Rusty is very curious about what unique skills and perspectives you bring with your very different background. Not a lot of field researchers take the road you have to get here. He's quite excited to get you on board."

Sara was looking a little like a deer in the headlights, "You still want to do this, right?"

"Oh," she looked up, clearly surprised by the question, "Of course, I just thought I would get to go home in the interim." She nodded for emphasis, "I'm thrilled about the opportunity, I really am."

After a brief pause, Sara asked, "So your lab has internet access?"

"Sure, we can't exist in a vacuum; we've got internet, an intranet consortium of research stations, and even a phone line to the continent."

"What," Sara's tone and expression had become very serious.

"What's what?" he looked confused.

"You had access to all that and didn't let me come?"

"Of course I would have let you come, but you were acting like you wanted to be alone, so I didn't push it."

"I need to contact someone; I mean I desperately need to contact someone," she was shaking her head, "Why didn't you mention this?"

"I would have if I'd have known." Ross was starting to get defensive, "Hey, I don't deserve this. You want me to help you contact the man that stands between us, and as crazy as this sounds, I would have done it, I can't say no to you. But, you keep me in the dark, you don't explain anything, so how am I to know you want to contact him. For all I know, you two aren't even talking."

Sara thought for a few seconds on that. He was right, she never told him any details at all. She'd pretty much stone walled every attempt he made to get her to talk about it. "I'm so sorry. You're right, you are so right," she softly lamented. "It's time for that talk."

They found some chairs on the deck off by themselves and got comfortable. Sara started to describe Gil to Ross. She went on to explain his position in the lab, what he had done to build it up, and how much it meant to him, and him to it. She wanted Ross to understand why it would be so much harder for Gil to leave than it had been for her.

"Wow, I didn't even know his name until now. He sounds like a very unique individual."

"He is that, and our relationship is quite unique."

She then moved on to talk about the lab and the work. She went into detail about the emotions certain cases drew out of her. The tragedy of the crime was often too much to bear. Over time, the weight of all that sadness took its toll, and she became so weary and wrung out. She went on to describe the moment she knew that she had to leave that life, even if it meant leaving Gil. She just couldn't go on.

"That was almost a year ago. Gil was completely blind sided by it. He respected my need to be away, and resisted the urge to come after me, but I know it hurt him terribly. Eventually, we resumed regular communication, and started to get together from time to time, but it was still a holding pattern. We weren't moving forward, just both waiting around for the other to give in and move."

"I take it something must have finally happened."

"You guessed right. A colleague of ours was _murdered_, and so I had to return to Vegas, to the lab. It was just awful. Planning his funeral service, seeing the grief in all of us, in Gil especially, and then a case of mine from the past reared its ugly head, and got even uglier, I didn't even think that was possible. While I was there, Gil said some things. I could tell he didn't like the way our relationship was going, and it sounded like he wanted me to give him his freedom if I couldn't stay with him. We never got another chance to talk about it before I left, so I decided to take this trip, to get away, and figure things out."

"This is all starting to make some sense now, Sara," he took her hand, "Thank you for finally confiding in me."

"Well, now you can understand how I wasn't exactly sure where I stood." Sara inhaled deeply, "Then I took matters into my own hands." She closed her eyes, "On this ship, I knew that I could never, ever live in Las Vegas again, so I concluded I had to end it with Gil. I didn't want to keep making him miserable." She turned to look at Ross, "I made a video message telling him how great I was, and it was really better this way, yada, yada, yada," She looked like she might cry, "I emailed it last week, and with our isolation I hadn't got a reply. I didn't know how he was going to react, but I couldn't move on with you until I got some closure."

"Have you heard from him?"

Sara breathed in deeply and smiled, "Yes, yesterday I got his email reply."

"Well?"

"He's not ready to end the relationship. I was so beside myself reading that beautifully scripted message, well, I just really wish I could speak to him, hear his voice, more than I can say. I'm sorry for expecting you to just automatically _know_ that," and they both shared a laugh, while a few tears fell from her eyes.

"Well, that was some story," Ross smiled weakly, "I think you know how I feel about you, Sara, but I am honestly pulling for you two, and I'll help you in any way I can. It's very obvious how much you're still in love with him."

For the remainder of the cruise, Sara felt like the weight of the world was off her shoulders. Even though Gil wasn't physically present, he was with her all the same, and she was now patiently giving him time to make a decision. Even if he decided to stay for now, she could live with that if they didn't end the relationship because of it.

With her dramatically brightened outlook, she took in the sights and experiences of her last days in the Galapagos with the incredible intensity that had always defined her.

Ross was on his best behavior, he was content to be her friend, but that didn't stop him from being completely amazed by her. He knew deep in his heart, exactly what Gil Grissom would ultimately decide, it would be impossible for any man to resist Sara indefinitely; he would eventually have to give in and join her. Of that, he had no doubt.

tbc....

a/n: Ok, so I tried to have Ross end up being a nice guy after all. Next chapter, we get back to Grissom....


	10. Chapter 10

It had taken a lot of courage for Gil Grissom to send Sara that message. He was betting heavily that Heather's inferences about Sara's unspoken motives were correct. If Sara's words were taken literally, they essentially declared the time had come to end the relationship. The clues that said otherwise were subtle at best. He was hoping, and even praying, that they told the real story.

With every passing day that he had no reply, those hopes faded a bit more. One thing you could count on from Sara, she wouldn't hesitate to speak up. It may be a flurry of wild ideas; 'over talking' she always called it, but out it came never the less. That tendency had actually landed her in trouble a few times over the years.

While Gil's approach was a slow consideration of his message, refining it, and amending it, and often just keeping it to himself, Sara couldn't be more opposite. Gil couldn't picture Sara on the ship working over her reply, finding the right words, the right quote, or perfecting her sentiments. Oh, no, if Sara hadn't replied, it was a because of something more ominous. What she had to say would be devastating.

The worst case scenario would be that she'd fallen in love with someone else. The very notion tormented him, but with each passing day, it was the only thing that made sense.

Catherine tried to get him to open up to her, but he couldn't possibly divulge his greatest fear to another living soul. She knew there was something terribly wrong and wanted so badly to help him. He couldn't remember the last time he had a decent night's sleep, and it showed. He obsessively checked his email every chance he got, and got more depressed with each unyielding attempt.

Gil had no idea that all that time, Sara was having her own pity party while manufacturing a crisis of her own. She wasn't delayed in responding, she hadn't even been able to see his message. Both of them were just wallowing in angst, and needlessly. At least Sara knew Gil may not reply right away, but it still didn't stop her from fearing what he might say, and the wait was pure torture.

Just before leaving the lab, he wanted to check one last time, and lo and behold, there it was. He couldn't breathe, he so feared what the message might contain. Was the relationship over? He would know soon enough. He got comfortable in front of his computer, braced himself, and clicked to open the message.

_Gil,_

_I just finished reading the most welcome sentiment I have ever received. Your words were so eloquent and beautiful, what will follow here is sure to be an over talking, chaotic mess, a veritable flight of ideas! I have no time to organize my thoughts, and I am rocked to my core by your entire message. You wouldn't believe what I had to do to even be able to read it! Right now, I'm in some flea bag hotel, whose name I can't even pronounce, while an angry mob is yelling Spanish obscenities at me waiting for me to get off the computer, so that's also a little distracting. _

_I was stunned to hear your optimism because I didn't see any of that when I was with you. All that talk about the Adlers, and the parallels you drew to us???? I thought sure you wanted me to leave you, set you free if I couldn't return. I went off to ponder that. I apologize for being out of touch, but I couldn't think objectively if I was always calling you up. I needed the space and the distance, but I neglected to think that you would be worried about my safety. Yikes, so sorry. _

_There is no way I can be a worthy partner for you living in Vegas. Once I knew that as a certainty, I really only had one choice. I would give you what you asked for. Or what I thought you asked for. I'm so confused. Really, really confused._

_We have no internet on the ship, and the ports are very primitive for the most part. A very isolated place. Please, be patient with my lack of contact until I get back._

_I can't wait to hear your voice. I will call as soon as I get a chance. I will wait for you. I love you, and only you, _

_Sara_

Gil Grissom was overcome with relief. Heather was spot on in her interpretation of Sara's true message. The relationship wasn't over, but they still had a huge hurdle to overcome, distance. At least now Gil could really think about leaving the lab since he now knew for certain Sara still wanted him with her. It was a monumental decision to face, but he was ready to consider his options.

Out of character he shot back an off the cuff reply, he wanted it to be there waiting for her next chance she had to check. And now he understood, she wouldn't be able to respond right away, but that was Ok.

_Sara,_

_Thank you for answering. Words can't describe how relieved I am to be back in touch with you._

_I'm sorry I confused you. I thought those things I said might scare you into staying with me, I suppose. I'm not even all that sure myself. It was a rough time, and I didn't want you to leave. I hope you can forgive me._

_Looking forward to your call_

_Love, Gil_

He went home, and did something he hadn't done for a long time, he slept.

The next week brought some awful cases, and they continued to tweak his emotions like never before. It was disturbing. He was beginning to feel first hand what had haunted Sara all that time. The hours were long, and he was sleeping again, which left little time for thinking. But, he didn't worry for he knew Sara would give him all the time he needed. That's just the way she was.

He still obsessively checked his emails, but without the anxiety over the content he might find. No word from Sara for over a week, and then there it was.

_Gil,_

_Just a quick message to check in. I've finished my time on the Sea Shepard, it was the experience of a lifetime. Just amazing. I just hopped a plane to Ecuador, and now I'm waiting to fly on to Costa Rica. I am heading to the La Selva Research station. I thought I would have some down time, but it's now or never for this chance, and they need me to go straight there. I understand that once I'm there, I'll be able to contact you much easier. I'll fill you in on what I'm doing then. So, talk to you SOON!_

_Love, Sara_

Now it was Grissom's turn to be confused. "Costa Rica!" he said out loud, to no one in particular, "Research station? What the heck is she doing now?" He simply rolled his eyes, wondering when Sara's wander lust would settle down.

After what felt like an endless odyssey, Sara finally arrived at La Selva totally exhausted. She was given a room, and just collapsed without even unpacking. When she awakened, the hot shower worked like magic to revive her. She quickly dressed and ventured out to see just what she had landed in.

She was brought to the office of Dr. Russell Williams and introduced. The man was trim and fit, but his skin was weathered, and it was hard for Sara to pinpoint his age. When he rose from behind his desk, he was not even as tall as Sara. He wore a baseball cap, leaving Sara to wonder if he was really bald, as Ross had said. He greeted her with a genuine smile and extended his hand, "I am so pleased to meet you, Sara, Ross has really bragged on you."

The corner of her mouth pulled back, "Oh, dear, I hope not too much."

"Here's a schedule for you. Right now we're putting together protocols, and figuring out manpower we'll need, locations to use in the field, and that sort of thing. We're really happy to have you on board."

"Oh, no, I'm the one who is grateful, Dr. Williams, thank you for…"

But, he cut her off, "First of all, call me Rusty, everybody else does, and hold off on the thanks until you see how hard I'm going to work you."

Sara smiled back, "That's one thing that doesn't scare me in the least."

They shared a laugh and some small talk before Sara got up the nerve to ask if she could call someone in the states. "I've been isolated on this ship for two months, and I really need to make some calls, or at least emails, is that possible?"

"Of course! I'll bet you do have some calls to make, follow me," and he led her out to another office with a computer, a phone, and various files and books. "You can use this for now. The code to dial the states is right here," he pointed to a memo taped to the desk near the phone. He gave her directions to the bathroom, snack and drink machines, water fountain, cafeteria, and basically told her to go exploring until her schedule started up the next day.

When he left, she just stared at the phone, would it really be that easy? Just pick up the phone and start dialing? _Only one way to find out._

She dialed the code numbers to get her to the United States, and then punched in Grissom's cell.

"Grissom."

"Hey, it's Sara."

"Oh, my God, Sara! Where are you?"

"Costa Rica, but I haven't seen much of it yet. I'm here to work on a research project. I met someone on the Sea Shepard who had done research here for years. I asked him about it and he found a project for me to work on."

"What kind of project?"

"There are multiple bird species whose numbers are on the decline, but one species that is thriving. So we're going to try to figure out what is making the thriving species so successful, and maybe help the others eventually. And, best of all, the study will include all this field work in the rainforest."

"Well, I see why you wanted to do that, it sounds fascinating and just perfect for you with your love of animals."

"I'm crushed that I won't see you yet though. I'm really not sure how long I'll be doing this. But, I am totally committed to you while you face your options and decide. And, even if you decide to stay for now, it's Ok with me. I only said all that stuff because I thought you wanted out. Does that make any sense or am I just over talking again?"

Grissom just laughed, this was his Sara, true to form. "It makes sense, Dear."

"Whew, Ok, well, I'm going to call you everyday until we head out into the field, and I'll get the rest of my contact information so you'll be able to reach me."

They exchanged their love you's and miss you's, and finally hung up. The last time they had spoken had been such a disaster. In the wake of losing Warrick, wanting to stay together but on different terms, and Sara's misery in Las Vegas, things weren't clear between them, far from it. Now they were on such solid ground, not together, yet, but knowing where they both stood at least. Not a bad place considering the thin ice they just skated over.

tbc...

a/n: The angst is clearing, and big twist coming next chapter....


	11. Chapter 11

Sara was amazed at the efficiency Rusty wielded to organize and educate his research team. It took a mere three days to mobilize the group and get them out into the field. Sara faithfully called Gil each day and filled him in on all the activity. He was fascinated by what she getting to do and reveled in her excitement over it.

Finally, she broke the news, "Gil, we're going out in the field first thing in the morning for five days, so we're back to radio silence."

He groaned, "Aaaw, Your calls are the highlight of my day!"

"Well, you have the contact information to the base station, so if you need to get a message to me, you can go that route."

"That is reassuring. Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Promise me to keep safe."

"I will if you will."

And off she went. The heart of the rainforest was stunning. The wildlife was so abundant and beautiful, and the flowers and plants were different from anything she'd ever seen. She started snapping pictures almost immediately as they departed. Her extensive experience with photography was invaluable, but as a CSI she had always taken pictures of still scenes. She quickly learned that she would need to gain some timing with the shutter and learn a thing or two to get shots of moving animals in the wild.

People from the station came along to get them set up, and that allowed the group to go right to work. Rusty was impressed at Sara's grid and search abilities, so the two of them started mapping out grids and left a student at each section to document the birds present. Once the area was mapped out, and he saw how she skillfully and efficiently she documented what was there, he gave her two extra sections, which she could easily handle. Rusty remained at camp logging and organizing the information that came back.

They were not only counting the birds, but determining what they ate, where they nested, what their mating behaviors were, and what defenses they used against predators. Sara used her camera and took notes that were remarkably detailed and accurate. How incredibly refreshing it was for her mapping out a rainforest and not a crime scene.

The successful birds were blue crested Motmots, and they were spectacular. In addition to being magnificently plumed, they had unique tails and behaviors that were fascinating to observe. It was a joy to find one, and they were plentiful.

Along the way, Sara took in all the sights and sounds of the rainforest. She was so happy doing this work; it exceeded her expectations in every way.

Their last day in the field, Sara photographed a Motmot feeding on some kind of red colored beetles. Later when Rusty came across the pictures, his interest clearly piqued. "What is it?" Sara asked, wondering what he was so interested in. She had taken lots of similar pictures.

"That beetle," he pointed to the beetle the bird was about to eat, "I can't remember what they call it, but I'm pretty sure it's poisonous. I don't think I've ever seen a bird eat one." He looked deep in thought, and then shrugged, "I really need to get an entomologist up here. This could be a breakthrough _already_."

It was Sara's turn to look surprised, "Um, I know one!" She tried to sound a bit calmer, "An entomologist that is, I mean I um, I know an entomologist."

Rusty laughed, "That's nice, and I know several," he looked at her with a sideways glance.

Sara was a little embarrassed after that exchange. _Who am I kidding, Grissom would never come here anyway, and they surely have their own people. _But, she was so surprised by the coincidence; she couldn't help but just blurt it out.

It was a tired crew that hiked back to the base station. Sara was really looking forward to a hot shower, but put that off to call Gil. She really couldn't wait to fill him in on things.

After she had rambled on and on about everything they had done in the field, she finally got to the beetle story. Grissom had been on the edge of his seat already, and now was practically drooling over the work she was doing.

"So why do you think this beetle is so important, I mean I photographed those birds eating all kinds of insects?"

"Well, dwindling habitat is the culprit nine times out of ten when trying to explain declining animal populations, so it stands to reason if a species can expand it's food source in the face of that, it will maintain it's population. Now, if a bird species can evolve to tolerate a previously poisonous food source, it's certainly going to thrive when others decline. That's why he's all hyped up about the beetle. So now he's got to bring in an entomologist to study all the insects these birds are eating."

"So are you studying some interesting bugs where you are?"

"No." The answer was terse, "I don't even want to tell you about the case I'm working, it's practically making me sick." They had just started working the case of a serial killer who kills couples, after brutally torturing the women.

"I'm so sorry," Sara didn't really know what to say to him after that. She just wanted to scream _you don't have to do it anymore!_ But didn't think it would be very well received at that moment, he was clearly in pain, and had to make his own decisions about how much more of it he wanted to be faced with.

They said their good nights, etc, and Sara went off to take a wonderful hot shower and get a good night's sleep.

She had the next day off and decided to do some exploring around the station. When she returned Rusty was anxiously waiting for her. "Hi there, what's up?"

"Sara," he looked rather sheepishly, "You mentioned you know an entomologist?"

She looked confused, "Yes, but…"

He interrupted her with an exacerbated sigh, "Everybody here is up to their eyeballs in projects, they have more going on than they can handle, so I need to find somebody else. I don't suppose this entomologist you know has post graduate training, that's a requirement to do research here."

"Will a PhD do?"

His eyebrows shot up, "Uh, yeah! Is he available?"

"That's the catch, I'm pretty sure he's not. But those guys have a kind of network, I'm sure he can find you someone."

"The guys here are sort of cut off from that stuff, they weren't much help."

"Come on then, let's make a call. I'll get him on the phone, and then let you explain what you need. He's in the CSI lab I left in Vegas."

"Great!"

They went back to Sara's little make shift office, and Rusty noticed she dialed the number from memory. He couldn't help but listen in to her end of the conversation. "Hey there…..yes, two calls today…..oh, sure everything is just fine, but the researcher I'm working with, Rusty, he wants to talk to you about the entomology work he needs done, everybody here is unavailable…....Hold on, I really need him to explain things…..No, I'm not going anywhere," she cleared her throat, "I'll be right here holding my breath," and she handed Rusty the phone.

Rusty just looked curiously at Sara, he had no trouble seeing that this entomologist was much more than an acquaintance. Rusty looked away from Sara and started by introducing himself and asked a few questions about Gil's background, but didn't waste much time getting to the heart of the matter. It was exactly what Gil had explained to Sara, he was obviously more than qualified to do the work. They ended the conversation by exchanging contact information and Gil promised to get back in a day or two, before their next venture out in the field.

Rusty passed the phone back to Sara, she spoke into the receiver "Gil, I have to know, would you ever even consider taking this?"

"Sara, it sounds like paradise, but if I told you the case I was working and what was at stake, you would not want me to leave it."

"I sorta knew that, I tried not to get too excited. I don't even let myself dream that good."

Grissom was crushed, he could feel her disappointment through the phone line, "I'm so sorry. Don't forget, I love you, Sara."

She glanced nervously at Rusty, "Me too."

"He's still standing there isn't he?"

She snickered, "Yes, good bye." Old habits die hard; she was so accustomed to keeping her love for him secret at work.

After hanging up the phone, Grissom was transfixed by this turn of events. While he had _said _he was unavailable, that was more of a reflex response than a considered one. So now it was time for him to think, really think. He tuned the whole world out while his powerful mind focused on his own life.

He had no idea how much time had passed while he sat deep in thought. Gil Grissom was never one who believed in signs from above or anything like that, but, this was a remarkable collection of events to produce a choice for him beyond anything he could have ever dreamed up. Even he knew that if there _was ever _a sign from above, a karmic coincidence of epic proportions, then he was certain that this was it.

He had a life long dream to revisit the rainforest. He had an opportunity to study a whole new world of insects, teach, and work alongside Sara again, a happy Sara no less. But, most importantly, he could finally end the loneliness in his life, and reunite with his one true love. She made him happy, and he wanted desperately to feel that way again.

Holding him back was loyalty to a job and a team that he had invested the better part of his life in; however, arguably the job was complete. There was little left for him to accomplish there. He certainly had no ambitions to advance beyond his current job. Then there was the matter of his emotional defenses that were clearing eroding, pulling him down further after every tragic case. And what did he have for an escape, an empty, lonely townhouse waiting for him at the end of each shift.

He was done making his lists.

He no longer needed to wrestle with conflicting emotions.

He just needed to make it happen.

He dialed the number scribbled on the note pad, "Hello, I'd like to speak with Dr. Russell Williams; you can let him know this is Gil Grissom calling him back."

tbc....

a/n: Yeah! Some good news finally..... By the way, search Motmot on wikipedia to see what the birds look like, they are amazing.


	12. Chapter 12

Fortunately the call Gil placed found Rusty still in his office, "Well, Hello, Gil, I didn't expect to hear from you so soon, but I hope this means you have some good news for me."

"Rusty, I honestly have been unable to think about anything else since you and Sara called. But, first, I must ask, is she still there with you?"

"No, but I can send someone to find her for you."

"No, no, I just wanted to know if you could speak freely."

Rusty was curious about that. What could he possibly want to hear from him that he couldn't say in front of Sara?

"I think this is one opportunity that I don't want to pass on, and I want to talk more about it. However, in the interest of full disclosure, you have to understand that this is a huge decision for me. I have had a long and successful career at this lab, but the truth is I was already considering moving on. I just didn't think I would need to pull the trigger this quickly."

Rusty laughed knowingly, "I understand that Gil. I've made a few career leaps in my day. It can be daunting, but awfully rewarding."

"As far as the timing goes, even if I handed in a notice today, I still have active cases that need to be cleared. Best case scenario, I can arrive in two weeks, but realistically, it may take three. Will that work for you?"

"Well, _my_ best case scenario is that you'd already be here," he said jokingly. Rusty couldn't hide his excitement, "Let me put it this way. I can't tell you what Sara has brought to this venture. You CSI's have skills that lend themselves to this work like nothing I have ever seen. I can't believe my good fortune to get two of you! I'll keep the other parts of the study going until you can get here." While Gil was sighing with relief, Rusty added, "Besides, I got nobody else," and they shared a laugh.

"Glad to know I come so highly recommended," Gil offered back, tongue in cheek.

"Sara is very high on your abilities, and I am very high on hers. That's very important."

"On that subject, let me send on my CV. You can check out my publications and verify my work. I have actually done a lot of field work. Before I came to Vegas I started my own body farm; I got a lot of publications out of that enterprise."

"Body farm?"

"Oh, that's where we study human decomposition under different conditions. My expertise, obviously, was in documenting the insect activity. That way, you can establish an entomological time line for TOD."

"TOD?"

"Time of death."

The silence at the other end of the line told Gil that he might have just really repulsed his potential research partner. Rusty was just taken aback by Gil's fortitude. He and Sara had worked in a very unfamiliar world.

"I'm sorry to be so graphic, but that's the work we do. You'll find most everything I've published to be in forensic literature, but it's accessible on line."

"I would love to see it." After a pause, "I understand on your job you must see some really horrific things."

"That's an understatement."

"Sara is very reluctant to share anything about it; I take it she burned out."

"Sara is extremely private, but yes, she has feelings that run so deep. She stayed in this work longer than she probably should have. I think that's part of why she has embraced this new challenge so passionately. Now she can utilize her skills to study life instead of death, how refreshing."

"She has really taken to it. I've never seen a first time research assistant embrace the assignments and master everything so quickly."

"Ah, speaking of Sara, I have a bit more to disclose."

"I see." Rusty was apprehensive wondering what was coming next.

"I need to know, ah, how do I put this? Do you have any rules or policies or such, that would prevent Sara and me from working together, if we are, you know, together…. Ah, romantically."

Grissom's face was burning crimson, and he was thankful Rusty couldn't see it.

Rusty beamed, "Oh, no, this is wonderful news. I mean, I suspected something, but this is really great. There are a lot of couples who assist each other in research; I've even been known to drag my wife along with me into the field as an assistant. It makes those jungle nights much more productive you know," he added with a snicker. "We function much like a typical college campus, what would be acceptable in that setting is just fine here."

"What a relief, you wouldn't believe the problems we had here. There's a lab policy against it. We tried to stay secret, but, anyway, moving forward, I need to ask one more favor."

"Name it."

"Don't say anything to Sara, please. My leaving the lab means we can finally be together. I want to tell her in person. I can't tell you how important that is to me. But, that may take a little deception on your part, are you comfortable with that?"

"Normally I wouldn't be, but with what you are doing, I'm happy to help in anyway I can."

"If you can let her know that I was able to find someone, but get forgetful about the details."

"I think I can do that, acting forgetful comes naturally to me," he joked. "You are going to have the tough part."

"Well, Sara's used to me dodging questions, besides seeing her face will be well worth the trouble."

"Gil, I need to tell you something else."

Grissom held his breathe not sure what it would be, "Ok."

"When I mentioned to Sara that I needed to get an entomologist involved, I only wish I had a picture of her reaction."

His heartbeat quickened, "What was it?"

Rusty drew his words out for emphasis, "She….positively….lit….up!"

Gil Grissom was about to choke up. He didn't want to act emotional in front of his new research partner, "I…see." He could force out only a few words.

Rusty sensed as much, "Listen, Gil, I need a fax number, I'll send off some paperwork, applications, research protocols, and such. On the protocols, just put some general stuff down, we'll hammer out the specifics when you get here."

"You got it," he choked out.

"I am really looking forward to this collaboration, Gil, take care."

"You, too, thank you. For everything."

Gil breathed a sigh of relief; Rusty seemed like the perfect person to help him pull this off.

tbc....

a/n: I didn't have a lot of time, but wanted to get in a quick update to move it forward a bit more....

By the way, TPTB left it up to interpretation as to whether or not she knew Gil was coming. Does he pull off the surprise????


	13. Chapter 13

Grissom and Rusty were doing the preliminary work to bring Gil on board with the research. Meanwhile, Sara's calls came in daily.

They shared their day, even talked about their feelings, and never neglected to declare their love for each other. But, when Sara would ask about the entomologist who was coming down to Costa Rica, Gil was very careful.

"So, you don't want to tell me anything about him. It is a _him_, I assume."

"I don't want to talk about it if that's Ok."

"Why not?"

"It makes me emotional, can we change the subject?"

She rolled her eyes, and moved onto another subject. Gil was very careful not to lie. It was very important to him not to ever lie to Sara, even in pulling off this heart stopping surprise.

"We're going back in the field tomorrow, but this time will be for longer, two weeks."

"I know you will enjoy it, but I will miss these calls more than I can say."

"Gil,…." Sara knew how happy Gil would be there, and wanted more than anything to somehow convince him to come. She also knew nothing she could say would do it; he had to decide on his own.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," she forced a smile on her end, "I just miss you so much."

Rusty and the team forged out to another location, and repeated the sequence. He and Sara laid out the grids, made the assignments, and started in, while the base station workers set up their camp. Rusty had them set up provisions for another researcher in hopes Grissom would join them there. He knew that two weeks was the optimistic projection, but that would put him there just before they were due to head back.

The site was even more impressive than the last one. They were higher up in elevation, and the vistas were spectacular. The Motmots were there in droves. There was more data to absorb, and the team was quite busy, but the procedures were becoming familiar to the students, and the information was pouring in.

It wasn't long before another Motmot was photographed feeding on the same red beetles as at the other site. Rusty was so hopeful that this theory would be the answer.

Rusty was involving Sara more in the data integration back at the camp. He wanted her to assume some of those duties, so that when the entomologist arrived he would be free to go out in the field with him.

"Does this entomologist have a name?" she shrugged, "We just keep calling him 'him'."

Rusty just laughed, "I can't be expected to remember details like that!"

"You can't seem to remember anything about this guy. Did you check him out at all?"

"I went mostly by his recommendations, stellar." After a pause, "It seems I brought you on board based on a single recommendation, and just look how that turned out."

Sara merely rolled her eyes and continued working.

She couldn't help but notice Rusty kept giving her glances. She would look up to find him looking at her and smiling. Rusty Williams was a hopeless romantic at heart. He was so excited about this impending reunion that he couldn't keep the smile off his face, and usually it was directed at Sara. But, Sara not understanding this was left to wonder what was going on. If she didn't know better she might think he was becoming interested in her, but she quickly discounted that because she did know better. It was obvious that he was happily married and had no such reputation. She tried to ignore it, but her gut told her that _something_ was up.

As the team worked, they developed a camaraderie, and that definitely helped Sara. The fun the team was having helped her forget about her disappointment. She was feeling more than a little down after Grissom passed on the assignment. Despite telling herself over and over not to get her hopes up, she really couldn't help herself. There was not a better scenario to leave for and it came on a silver platter. Deep down she wondered if he would really ever leave.

Rusty noticed she was a bit aloof, and he also noticed some sadness. In her more pensive moments, it was easy to see she was in pain. It was all he could do not to tell her, but he didn't dare. He did try to talk to her though.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Sara forced a smile, "I'm just, well…" she shook her head, "I guess it's nothing I can really talk about."

"Hey, that's Ok, but I'm a good listener if you ever need one." Before he left her he added, "I can see something is making you sad, but you know, some things just take time."

Sara had no idea just how much Rusty knew, and she certainly didn't expect his advice to be so accurate, but there it was. Indirectly he just reminded her how slow and deliberate Grissom approached everything. How many times had he admonished the team, _when you need to go fast, you get there sooner by going slow. _This wasn't the only entomology project at the station, not by a long shot. Maybe in time, he would find his way back to her. She needed to cling to that hope.

The team hiked back into the station tired but with the knowledge that they were doing solid work which was incredibly satisfying. However, the time came and went without the arrival of the mystery entomologist.

On arrival, Rusty instructed Sara to supervise the procedures to move the data to the lab while he went to his office. She was surprised that he entrusted her with it, but would not disappoint.

Once he was in his office Rusty dialed up Gil's number.

"Grissom."

"You have got to get that desk of yours cleared and get down here."

"Rusty?"

"Damn straight, and this is killing me!"

"What the heck are you talking about, is the study in trouble because I'm not there."

"No!" Rusty inhaled deeply, "You dense son of a bitch, Sara is in pain. I know she tried not to get her hopes up, but I'm sure she couldn't help it. Now she's clearly hurting, and I'm the one looking at it. I just thought you should know."

At the time Rusty's call came in Grissom had just arrived at the scene of the latest murder by the DJK accomplice, now copycat killer. It couldn't be worse timing. He eased away from the scene to educate Rusty on what was happening.

"Rusty, I am honestly very relieved that you are there to keep an eye on Sara, but I can't let you tell her I'm coming. This is something I need to do. I need to see her face when she sees me, when I tell her I'm there to be with her. I _need_ it, and she'll understand. I know this."

"I'm sorry, Gil, but I was so hopeful that you would make it in that I had them prepare a place for you at our last camp."

"Rusty, a case I'm working has gotten a lot more serious and I've been asked to stay on. I'm still day to day."

"I'm getting a bad feeling about this. Is there going to be one more case, and then one more, etc.? I mean, they are never going to want to let you go."

"As far as why I can't leave yet, my last case went unsolved, but I became aware of another related murder. We have a serial killer in prison who murdered eight couples, and now we have an accomplice or copycat on the outside repeating the murders. He kills the men first and past history tells us that he has a twentieth victim in confinement while he is brutally torturing her and he'll kill her in approximately forty eight hours. I _have_ to work this case. Surly you understand that."

"Oh my God, Gil, I am so sorry. I can't even comprehend a mission like that. Please, forgive me."

"Done, but I need to go."

"I will pray you prevail and rescue the victim, and I'll do my best to look after Sara."

"Thank you."

Grissom could not afford to get distracted, and it was hard to hear he was causing Sara even more pain. He had to believe it would be worth it in the end, and he would have lots of time to make up for it. Besides, Rusty has no idea how much pain they've both endured this past year; relatively speaking, this was a good place for them. They were talking, they were up front and honest, and best of all, hopeful. Sara was a bit more worried, because if ever there was a perfect situation to leave the lab for, this was it. She just clung to the fact that it was too sudden for Grissom.

Rusty was in shock contemplating the scenario Grissom was embroiled in. He couldn't imagine being face to face with such evil. Now he really understood how the couple arrived where they were. Sara's departure, even if it meant leaving the love of her life, was completely understandable. How many people can face that kind of horror indefinitely? On the other hand, he understood Grissom, how can you leave that noble a cause? His respect for Sara and Grissom just made a quantum leap.

Meanwhile, Sara's attention to detail lead to a flawless conversion of the field work to the lab. The team happily disbanded to hot showers and comfortable beds. Sara went straight to the phone to dial Grissom.

"Hey there," he answered.

"Hey yourself, you wouldn't believe how much I have to tell you about."

"Well, dear, it will have to wait. For once we have a captive victim whose life is on the line. I can't stop what I'm doing; as much as I would crave an audience with you."

"Well," she purred, "you'll have to settle with the news that I'm completely in love with you."

He laughed, she could make him feel wonderful from thousands of miles away, "I'll make do, if you will remember that I love you more."

"That's impossible, good night. And for God's sake, if we have to be apart, the least you could do is rescue this poor person."

"Mmmm, yes maam, good night."

Sara's spirits were uplifted just hearing Gil's voice. The hot shower awaiting her was pure magic, and she settled in for an overdue sleep in a real bed.

Gil, on the other hand, would not be so lucky. The team would be working straight through, determined to locate the latest DJK victim in time. Along the way, each member of the team shared their appreciation of what he'd meant to them. It was touching, and well received, but didn't produce the second thoughts he might have expected. The time had come, he knew it, and it felt right.

His exchange with Catherine was particularly affirming, "I knew before you knew," she explained.

Nick found an old VCR tape of a Haskins torturing his first victim. It was brutal, and Grissom had to close his eyes and look down and away from the image. Not that he needed any more proof, but it was time. He'd lost all ability to detach from the horror, and being apart from someone he dearly loved made him feel it all that much more.

There would be no more after this case. His brilliant career would end there, and he prayed it would end successfully. The whole team was dedicated to make sure that happened. But, no one was more vested in the outcome than the woman duct taped to a chair enduring unspeakable agony prior to a sure death. Grissom _had_ to prevail.

_tbc_...


	14. Chapter 14

Following the successful trip into the rainforest, and not wanting to get too far ahead of the entomology work, Rusty gave the team a few days off. Several of the students were planning to venture out and about the station for a few days exploring Costa Rica. Sara didn't want to get very far away from her phone, but since her conversations with Grissom were so brief due to his involvement in the case, she decided to go along.

He even encouraged it, knowing he would be talking to her extensively very soon. Also, it made him feel so guilty every time she called, and he had to keep it so brief.

While Sara was out in the Costa Rican countryside, the team in Las Vegas was hunkered down at the lab. When they failed to glean the location of the cabin where the victim was being held from the clues on the video, it was Grissom who crafted a scientific method to find one more piece of the puzzle. A stray image on the tape showed a moonscape against the horizon. Integrating the other information they had with lunar tables and topographic maps, Nick, Greg and Grissom found the location of the cabin.

Brass, along with a SWAT team and local law enforcement descended on the site with guns drawn and took down the suspect mere seconds before he fired a fatal shot into his captive victim.

The only thing left was to find the hidden bodies of the eight female victims of the original DJK killer. It was an exhaustive search leaving no stone unturned. With Catherine, Nick, and Langston, Grissom joined in searching the cabin. The most heinous, diabolical torture instruments were strewn about in a terrifying setting. When he could finally look away from all that, Grissom noticed a loose floorboard. _Could it be that simple?_ He lifted it away to reveal the hidden graves. There was a time when he would merely observe the findings as a scientist, but now he felt the pain of the victims, and the pain of being separated from someone he loved.

He walked out of the cabin to breathe some fresh air and clear his head. He no longer had to face the misery of death.

It was over. The cases were finally over. His career was moving on. He was free to leave.

Climbing into the Denali and pulling out his phone, he wasted no time calling Costa Rica. When Rusty picked up the phone, Grissom announced, "I'm done!"

"Gil?"

"Yes, I wrapped the case, and I'm going home to sleep for the first time in three days, and when I wake up I'm booking my flight."

"That's incredible news! What day are you going to try to leave?"

"I think it won't be 'til Wednesday or Thursday, I haven't even packed a thing. How does that work?"

"It works just fine. We'll be back in the field, but I can put you in touch with the man that supervises our camp set up. He can pack you a trunk of linens, towels, and even clothes, anything you think you might need. That way, when you get to the station, you can hike out to the camp with a light pack, with just your personal stuff."

"Hike out by myself?"

Rusty laughed, "It's no problem, they'll give you this little hand held GPS gizmo. It's fool proof, and if all else fails it even has an SOS feature. You're never lost with that thing."

"This is sounding so exciting; I can't believe it's really happening."

"Gil," Rusty tentatively asked, "I hope I'm not being intrusive, but I've thought a lot about what you've been trying to do; were you able to find the girl in time?"

"Oh, yes we were. She's got some emotional and physical scarring and she's a very young widow, but she is alive. Most importantly, that scum won't be hurting anybody else."

"He's locked up for good?"

"No, he's dead. The SWAT team took him out; he was trying to kill her when he spotted them approaching."

"Gil, you know, the only need for SWAT up here is to swat a fly now and again. Hurry down here, will ya?"

Gil had to laugh. He was genuinely looking forward to working with Russell Williams. "I'm ready, and I'm on my way. So next time I talk to you, will be face to face then?"

"Yep, but don't hang up, my secretary will put you in touch with the people who will get you set up."

It was the following day that Sara and the team returned back to the station after some memorable sight seeing. She went straight to her office to phone Gil. He was just waking up from a very long sleep, and struggled to even make sense. He managed to explain that after wrapping the case, finding the girl, he was now catching up on his rest. Sara begged off the call so he could possibly go back to sleep, promising to call back later.

Next she was off to Rusty's office to check in.

"Sara! So good to see you back, how was it?"

"Fantastic, what an amazing country this is."

"This is true," he agreed as he pulled out some papers, "But, while you were gone I tweaked the schedule just a bit."

Pointing to a map of the area, "I originally had us working this area here later in the study because it is has a lot of varying terrain and a few lakes making it a little tougher to study. But, these kids are doing such an incredible job; I think they can definitely handle it now."

"They are indeed; I mean so gung ho and bright, always a good combination."

"Not to mention a great mentor to emulate."

Sara smiled at the compliment.

"The main factor in my decision is that this being a smaller area, we can cover it less time than any other location on the schedule. We finally got a firm commitment from our bug man. He'll be here in a few days, so I'd like a short swing to get him generally oriented to the field work, and he can be back to the station in short order to finalize his research protocols."

"Sounds good," Sara replied, but soon her expression turned serious and she stared off into space, deep in thought.

"What in the world is going through that head of yours?" Rusty asked her, as he continued to sort through the maps.

_This mystery entomologist is at first delayed, and now available, just like Gil was drowning in a case, and now it's done. Rusty's _sure_ been acting weird and neither of them will tell me one little detail about the man._

"Sara?" Rusty continued, "Anybody home?"

"Rusty, you would tell me if this mystery bug man was Gil Grissom, wouldn't you?"

_Oh, Shit!_ He didn't dare look up from his maps fearing his expression might give him away. A wave of panic spread over him; he was breaking out in a sweat, "Don't be silly!" He even let out a little nervous laughter, "What in the world would make you ask such a question?"

He was stalling until he could formulate a reply. The last thing he wanted was to spoil the surprise with only days to go, but he respected Sara too much to just tell an outright lie. He decided to plead the fifth in some form or fashion. He would refuse to answer, so it wouldn't be a lie, but the surprise spoiler wouldn't come from him either, somehow _she_ had figured it out anyway. As he opened his mouth to speak, Sara surprised him by answering his question.

"I dunno, as a CSI I've been connecting the dots for so long now; I guess I was reading more into things than I should have." Feeling a little embarrassed, and more than a little let down, she shrugged, "I'm so sorry."

Rusty could breathe again. His reaction made her think it was an insane question, and that got him out of having to answer it.

He finally looked up, ready to make eye contact, but now it was Sara who was unable to. A few tears escaped before she turned to leave.

Rusty was dying inside. _If she only knew! _He blocked her exit, and gave her a fatherly embrace. "I know how private you are, but I think I know what's going on here."

"Rusty, it's really Ok, I'm fine."

"I'm so old fashioned that I think that if something is meant to work out, then the fates will take care of it, in their own time."

She smiled at his attempt to console her.

"Hey, I'm not too good at this stuff, how about I just pile on some work to get your mind off things; I'm good at that."

By now Sara was smiling her trademark grin.

"Here, I don't need a CSI, but I do need my brilliant assistant to take these maps and these markers and show me how you would grid this location. You need to pay close attention to the topographic map, it's tricky. I know how I've always done it, but truthfully, I've never been too happy with it. I'd love to see what ideas you come up with."

Sara nodded and left; honestly grateful for the project. They were going back in the field the next day, and she had a lot of work to do on the map. She also wanted to return the call to Gil, and still get a good night's sleep.

Rusty heaved a huge sigh of relief. _Whew, nothin' gets by her, that was close._

_tbc..._

a/n: We are so very close! The next chapter will bring them together.......reviews are appreciated, as this next chapter is proving quite challenging....such a huge GSR moment, lots of pressure!


	15. Chapter 15

**disclaimer: just borrowing these wonderful characters and this memorable scene to try to fill in the story. Thank you to TPTB for giving us this storybook ending to work with.**

Bright and early the next morning, Rusty, Sara, and the students hiked off to their next camp. The station staff left the day before to start getting them set up. Impossibly, it was even more impressive than the others. Lakes, streams, and even waterfalls abounded, and the terrain was truly varied. Sara understood why the grids had to be smaller.

What she didn't yet know is while Rusty's stated reason for moving to this location was valid, it wasn't the only reason. It was his favorite site in the entire rainforest, full of discrete hideaway locations of unimaginable beauty. He reasoned there was no better place on earth to have a romantic rendezvous. Rusty was so excited about their reunion; he would be the one needing consoling if Grissom failed to appear.

They dug into work right away, the students being eager as ever to get out in the field. Rusty kept Sara at the camp to make sure she was comfortable with logging in data on her own, _and_ to make sure she would be there when Grissom arrived. He started leaving her on her own while he ventured out, checking on the students. Sara wandered through the camp, and noticed the large unoccupied tent that was being set up for the entomologist. At the last camp, there were extra items just in case, but this was clearly more definitive. _I guess he's really coming this time._

Meanwhile, back in Vegas, Grissom was packing up his things. He hadn't realized how much he had collected until he tried to find a place to put everything. In packing, he was organized as ever, and couldn't part with any of his treasures, even if he couldn't bring it all with him.

When the time came, he walked out of the lab, admiring all that he had established, notably his incredibly competent team, and felt confident he was leaving his graveyard shift in good hands. Just as he always foretold, there was no party, no cake in the break room; he just left. The only acknowledgement being a knowing wink from Catherine.

The travel to La Selva was not as arduous as he expected thanks to the planning and care of the research station staff. He was met on arrival in Costa Rica and escorted all along the way until he was shown to his apartment on the grounds. His things were brought to him, he was oriented to the station, and told what to prepare for the next day.

Spending the evening alone with his thoughts, Grissom reflected on the abrupt turn his life had taken. He was anxious to start down this new path and was more than anxious to reunite with Sara. It was all he could do to get any sleep at all.

The next morning, he was taken to breakfast and briefed on how to find the team's camp. He was decked out in his khaki attire and his favorite straw hat when he eagerly set out on the trail with a light pack, a GPS, and a canteen of water.

The trip was much longer that he had expected, partly due to the humidity to which he was quite unaccustomed, and partly due to his anticipation of what was waiting for him at the journey's end. He frequently checked his GPS to ensure he had not strayed off the trail. On the way were so many sights that would have normally interested him, even captivated him, but not this day. Nothing would distract him from reaching his goal as expeditiously as possible.

The team had just recharged with lunch and headed back out into the field. Sara and Rusty had some down time. While Rusty was mulling over some of the data Sara had logged from the morning's work, Sara noticed a spider monkey off in a nearby tree. Finding the image irresistible, she grabbed up her camera and started shooting off pictures.

Just then, Grissom wandered into the clearing of the camp. He inhaled sharply as he gazed at Sara. His heartbeat was racing with anticipation. Savoring the sight before him, he was content to wait for her to discover him.

She turned to look directly at him, but at first was unable to process the sight before her. She couldn't fathom that he was there; surely it was her mind playing tricks. Just then, his head cocked ever so slightly and his irresistibly subtle smile connected with her. A flood of emotions followed, making it impossible to even move.

She started to break down as he started towards her, throwing his pack to the ground, and grabbing her up in a tight embrace and a passionate kiss.

They clung to each other, tightening their hold, and deepening their kiss, reveling in being together.

When they broke off the kiss, but still held on tight, Sara whispered into Gil's ear between sobs, "How long can you stay?"

He released her enough to look into her face as he spoke, "I'm here for as long as you will have me."

A look of stunned surprise came over her, she gently shook her head as if she was afraid to believe him out of fear it wasn't real.

"It's true, Sara. I resigned from CSI. I came here because I want to be with you, and I can't imagine a better place for us to be right now."

Sara lit up brighter than the Las Vegas strip. Her smiled beamed, her cheeks shone with happy tears, and Gil Grissom's dream was realized. He saw the face he had been dreaming about.

"Why," she choked out, "why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"And miss this moment? The look on your face? Are you kidding?" and he pulled her back into a tight embrace. "This is news that deserves to be delivered in person, don't you think?"

Sara's head was spinning, she couldn't really answer.

By now, Rusty pulled his nose out of the work he was looking at to see the couple embracing. His mouth fell open. He spied on them for a moment to make sure the coast was clear, then headed over to finally meet Gil, and take it all in.

Sara and Gil looked up to see him approaching. Sara was the first to pull away and head toward him, hands on hips, "You!" she was a bit agitated, finger wagging, "You were in on this, weren't you!"

He grimaced, "No, I had no idea, so you two know each other? What a coincidence."

His humor disarmed Sara, and she couldn't help but crack up laughing. She playfully slapped him on the arm, before pulling him into a hug, "But, I even figured it out, and you made me feel stupid."

They broke off the hug with huge smiles, "Sorry, but, my alternatives were, hmmm, make you feel stupid, tell a big ass lie like a dog, or face the wrath of Gil Grissom for spoiling his surprise. Now what's the best choice among those?"

"Enough of this," Gil barged in, extending his hand and grinning from ear to ear, "I'm Gil Grissom, Dr. Williams, I presume."

Rusty grabbed up his hand in an earnest shake, "Rusty Williams, at your service." He motioned for them to follow, "Gil, grab your pack and you two follow me, we're going right to work."

Both Sara and Gil stopped dead in their tracks with looks of disbelief. Rusty turned around and started laughing, "Just kidding. I only want you to show you something."

He led them back into the main camp and whispered to Sara to get a blanket, some towels, and her shower things, and that he would be right back. She had no idea what he was up to, but she had learned to trust him. Gil threw his pack and his hat up in his tent while he scoped out the camp, rustic to be sure, but quite impressive.

Rusty returned with what looked like an ice chest and a canvas grocery sack, "Follow me."

He led them off on a seldom used trail until he finally motioned for them to go ahead. Once they passed him, he pulled out a rope from behind a rock and showed them the sign on it, _DANGER! DO NOT PROCEED!_ "I made this up years ago to make sure me and the missus never got any unwanted visitors when we were here. This is the only trail leading in."

"Leading to what?" Sara asked.

"You'll see. And, speaking of the missus, she prepared a few things for you two," and he passed the cooler and bag to Gil.

"Go on now, _kids_. But, be back before dark, this trail is treacherous at night."

"How do we know where to go?" it was Gil's turn to ask.

"Just follow the trail, you'll know when you get there," he smiled and headed back to camp. "There was another reason I changed the schedule!" he shouted back.

Sara and Gil just shrugged and started off. It seemed to take a while, but eventually they came to a clearing with a tranquil pond. It was fed by an exquisite, gentle waterfall and surrounded by some of the most gorgeous vegetation either of them had ever seen. Wildlife was abundant and magnificent. Beyond the pond was a drop off leading to another waterfall and a spectacular view of the valley below and mountains off in the distance. They both took it all in silently, until Gil finally uttered, "Gee, Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore."

"A bit different than Vegas," Sara echoed.

"A bit different, and oh, so welcome. You know the five star hotel rooms of Vegas don't come close to this."

They spread the blanket out, and laid across it, slowly removing each other's clothing. They then ventured into the water, using the waterfall as a giant shower. It was electrifying to clean each other off in that veritable Garden of Eden, kissing and fondling all the while. The foreplay set their desire ablaze. When the anticipation became overwhelming and he could hold off no longer he led her to the bank, and they lay on the towels. He first took it all in, her scent, her feel, her taste, all of her. It was all she could do to hold off until he was within her. The loving was every bit as spectacular as the setting they were in.

The experience was the most powerful either had ever felt. Even more so than their first time together, which had followed years of wanting. The enhanced experience was undoubtedly a result of the certainty their love and commitment now held.

Gil Grissom was the most satisfied he had ever felt in his life, and Sara was the happiest.

After they recovered somewhat, they finally peeked into the cooler to find Champagne and assorted cheeses. The bag contained assorted fresh fruit and a loaf of French bread.

Sara couldn't believe it. "That Rusty!" She shook her head, "If I ever need to organize a conspiracy, he'll be the first on the list."

"No kidding, how about this place?" In between bites, "You know he actually called me and chewed me out for not coming when you all were at your last camp."

"What? Why?" Sara was confused.

"Because he could tell you were hurting, and he knew why since he had been talking to me."

"Aaaah, I see, what a softy. If he only knew."

Gil gave her a sideways glance and wisely decided to let that comment go. He proceeded to pop the cork on the bottle and started to pour, "And, how is it you said you figured it out?"

Sara laughed, "All that CSI training, just too suspicious of the way you two were acting, and the schedule of mystery man seemed to follow yours."

His eyebrows went up and he nodded. "I better behave around you; I'll never get away with anything."

"Glad you figured that out early," and she smiled the smile that melted his heart. He took her glass aside, and pulled her in close. They made love once more, then lay back and devoured the gourmet treats and made a number of toasts with the champagne.

When the light started to wane, they were treated to a breathtaking sunset making the setting impossibly even more spectacular. But, that also meant it was time to go. They reluctantly dressed and trudged back to the camp, laughing as they returned the warning sign to its hiding place.

Once they were dressed in fresh clothes, they found the team gathered together trading stories of the day's adventures. Sara introduced Gil, and the excitement grew among the students who were thrilled that the mystery entomologist had finally arrived. Grissom was amazed by their exuberance and eagerness to learn. He had always cherished that among his team, but as their experience grew, the opportunities to teach had become few and far between. Now he could see that here his teaching opportunities were virtually unlimited.

Rusty was content to sit back and observe, he could see Gil's penchant for passing on knowledge and knew he would make the most of this chance to do it. He also observed Sara. She was positively radiant.

Sara discretely moved her things into Gil's tent, but they didn't really need to hide their relationship, another very welcome change.

They spent the night spooned up together, with their sleep only interrupted by frequent awakenings to make sure they were really together, they weren't dreaming after all.

They woke up still intertwined, and with the realization that after so long apart, they could now make love almost any time they pleased. After taking full advantage of that, they emerged to greet the day together.

There was a buzz in the camp over the new things Gil would bring to the study. Sara stayed in camp to log data, while it was Rusty's turn to take Gil around the site.

Rusty had no trouble finding several bird species to show him, but while Grissom enjoyed the birds, he was overwhelmed with the diversity of insects they ran across. He snapped pictures like there was no tomorrow, even took a few specimens, and gushed about all the new species he would be able to identify and study. Like Sara, he was finding the whole experience exceeded every expectation.

Rusty made sure to return Gil to camp ahead of the students, and relieved Sara so they could return to their secret hideaway. Once there, Gil embraced Sara, looked intently into her auburn eyes and spoke ever so softly, "I must thank you."

"Thank me? For what?"

"For rescuing me. I didn't have the courage to leave the lab on my own, and I," he inhaled deeply; "I never knew life could be so wonderful."

His words were so emphatically spoken they evoked more happy tears from Sara.

They didn't know exactly what the future held for them, how long they would be in the rainforest, or where they would be next, but they had the whole world open to them and they knew they would always be together. That would make anywhere they landed a happier place. And, _that_ much was certain.

fin...

a/n: Aaaaah, what a fun story to write, so sorry it's ended. Thank you so much for reading, and please be so kind as to review....


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